John is walking back from Barnegat Bay in the early morning sunlight. He is carrying a crab cage and a white bucket, partially filled with sea water and a four live crabs. As he passes St. Catherine's, Father Michaels comes running out of the church rectory to John.
Father
'John. Just the person I want to see.'
John
'What did I do?'
Father
'Nothing. Well, you could stop sitting behind Britney every Sunday. I think she can kneel fine on her own without your
watchful eyes...'
John
'You saw that?'
Father
'I see everything the congregation is doing John. I'm at the pulpit.'
John
'k. Well have a good day. Oh, I have a text'
On John's phone. Text message: Patty to John.
'The Psychic is disappointed we didn't show.'
John to Father Michaels
'It's my friend. We were supposed to go to see a psychic...and the psychic is disappointed we didn't show up'
Father
'If she were truly psychic...she would have known you weren't coming.'
John laughs
'Sometimes, you are soo cool Father. I'm going to text that back.'
Father
'Sometimes? And could you not text when you talk to me? It's rude.'
John
'Rude? Really? Sure. But when you hang with a bunch of people...everyone talks to each other. Texting and talking to you is like that.'
Father
'See. This is what I want. Insight into your people. Your friends.'
John
'K'
Father
'Speaking of friends. Give me one good reason I never see that dark-haired kid you are friends with in church.
John, thinking and talking
'He's Muslim.'
Father
'Oh. Well what about that Patty girl.'
John
'She's into psychics....um astrology...she says the reason I worry about sin is 'cause my Aunt is a Virgo Catholic...categorizing sins...'
Father
'John I like how you aren't prejudiced. But, if you accept every belief...you have none of your own.'
John
'Well, it's what's good for them. And what I believe is my business...'
Father
'Well, I have something to say about that but right now...I want to know if the kids...not kids...young people... mentioned my cool sign.'
John
'Oh really? Where'd you put it Father.'
Father
'You're standing in front of it. You didn't read it?'
John reading the church sign.
'That's always there. I know when the mass times are...Oh...."what would smoochie do? Who's Smoochie Father?'
Father
'You know. That Jersey Shore person. Smoochie...Smoochie.'
John
'Never heard of her.'
Father
'She's the star...Smoochie!'
John thinking. Then realizes.
'Snookie. Oh you mean Snookie.'
Father, rubbing his forehead, looking disappointed.
'I had the wrong name up all week. Snookie. She kisses a lot on that show I heard. So I thought they called her Smoochie.'
John
'What's a smooch?'
Father turns to run into the rectory.
'Hang on. We have to put up a sign that would get you...and even your New York City friends into the church.'
John to himself.
'My friends in New York are Jewish.'
Father Michaels comes out with a box of white letters for the sign.
'Help me John. Let's get your friends into church...'
John thinking and talking.
'I don't think we should pick on any of the stars...but the whole tv Hollywood...um values..You know Father...wherever MTV
filmed the Jersey Shore, the business has put a sign up that says: 'as seen on MTV'...and they claim the stars are Italians but they really never worship. So why don't you say. St Catherine's Roman Catholic Church...as not seen on MTV. Then you can talk about all of tv's influence on what's cool or not cool...from organized religion to whatever...even Jersey Shore partying and hooking up...you know lot's of sex with lot's of people. Or how everyone's into being famous. I met a mom type trying to get discovered on the beach.'
Father
'I'll do that. TV values. That gives me a lot to talk about. Very good. Thank you. Did you ever think about being a Priest John.'
John
'Oh God no. I mean if I'm called...'
John's phone indicates a text message. He picks up his crab cage.
Text from Patty
'U alive? On the toilet? Gonna answer me?'
Text to Patty
'If the psychic were psychic...she would have known we weren't coming. Father Michaels gave me that 1. byes 8-)'
No comments:
Post a Comment