Announcements
John walks across the living room to say goodbye to Aunt
Margaret. The early evening sea breeze billows the Irish lace curtains behind
her in the chair. She is wearing a blue patterned Suzanne Somers lounging outfit with matching faux cobalt blue
jewelry.
John
‘I’m going to the boardwalk. Adjin is going to make the
announcements. He has a script to read but it could get funny or something.’
Aunt Margaret
‘Oh. Have fun. Where is the going well bridge in New York
City? That’s all they are talking about?’
John
“Never heard of it. Brooklyn Bridge, Manhattan, Gowanus ‘
Aunt Margaret
‘Oh gowheneveryouwannas
You kids are always having fun with the way you talk.’
John
‘No Gowanus nas is a bridge. Going well bridge. Maybe it
goes to Westchester…no, that would be doing well get me outta the city bridge.
John sees the TV Aunt Margaret is watching. He sees a traffic
list: Bridges that are going well: George Washington, Brooklyn…He thinks OMG.
Going well bridge. Decides not to correct Aunt Margaret
‘Gotta go.’
John crosses Ocean Blvd past the sand dunes. In a gazebo on
the boardwalk, Patty is waiting with Father Thomas?”
Father
‘I have quite the announcement for you.’
John
‘kaaaay’
Father
‘I heard you’ve been especially missing your father lately.
But your Heavenly Father is always with you…looking out for you.’
Patty rolls her eyes until Father Thomas glances around to
include her and she quickly smiles.
Father Thomas
“Lutherans too.’
Patty
“Oh…yeah.’
John
“I know. I’m o.k. I
just get down.’
Then to Patty
‘And you have to get up. Adjin is going to make the boardwalk
announcements.’
Patty
“Sweet. Maybe he’ll goof up and I can ride him for it.’
Father Thomas
‘Thought that was your little Muslim friend?’
John
“He is our friend.”
Patty
‘That’s why we want to make fun of him.’
Father Thomas
‘Tell him his Heavenly Father is looking out for him too.’
John
‘k. Thanks.’
Patty gets up and whispers
“where was God looking when he gave me thunder thighs.’
John
“thunder thighs. Wasn’t that Thor’s wife?
Patty punches John’s arm as they wave goodbye to the Priest
and head into the boardwalk crowd.
Within minutes of sitting down, on a bench in the middle of
the boardwalk, a tapping comes over the loudspeakers that run along the beach.
Adjin’s voice
‘Hello? Hello? Hello? Is this on?
Another, older voice says
‘You are on just keep your finger on the button and read the
script.’
Adjin
“Ah, it k, by eek’
Another, older voice.
“Do you see the red button on the microphone? Hold it and
read the damned script.’
Loud feedback comes across the speakers making people hold
their ears and laugh.
Patty holding her ears.
‘Sweet.’
Adjin’s voice
‘Good Evening and welcome to Seaside Heights, celebrating
100 years of fun since 1913…well not really 100 years.
Older voice says something to Adjin
‘No bikes or skate boards are allowed on the boardwalk after
9am. And they are a pain about it too. Those summer cops on bikes will chase
you down and make you come to police headquarters- like a cop can act all kinds
of hardcore on a bike.’
Older voice says something to Adjin about keeping to the
script.
‘There will be Fireworks tonight at 9pm. What? Oh actually
correction, they’ve been moved to Wednesday.’
Patty to John
‘The fireworks were always on Wednesdays.’
Adjin
‘Swimming is prohibited until the Life Guards return at
9am. You don’t wanna go swimming at
night…I mean have you seen Jaws?’
An older voice says something about keeping to the script.
Adjin
‘There are multi-ride tickets available for both the Funtown
and Casino Piers. And if your kid is crying don’t make him go on something he’s
afraid of. My friend John couldn’t even go on the horses that go up and down on
the merry go round. He was afraid…but now he surfs.’
John
“I could die. I should die. No woman will want me after that
announcement.’
Patty
“Nah. You’ll attract a woman who likes to boss and is
looking for a man who likes to be bossed,’
John
‘I don’t like to be bossed.’
Patty
‘Yes you do.’
John
‘Whatever. I don’t want to argue.’
Patty smiles, satisfied she won.
Adjin
‘And a special thanks to the South Jersey Muslim Support
Network for your kind words of support in my new job.’
Patty to John
The South Jersey Muslim Support Network. That’s impressive.’
John
‘That’s old lady O’Brien. She goes to my church. Lives in
that purple-gray house by the bay. Used to be a Hippy. Now she fights for
underdogs. And dogs too come to think about it.’
Adjin’s voice
‘Shoes are required on the boardwalk. You get a splinter we
don’t want to be handling your sweaty old feet.
Microphone sounds like it’s being dragged.
Older man’s voice
Thank you Adjin. Nite folks.
Patty
‘Pretty funny. Now if we can have a debagging on the
boardwalk…might be an o.k. nite.’
Adjin walks up to John and Patty on the bench.
Adjin
“sooo’
John
‘good’
Adjin
‘They’re gonna call me if they need me again.’
Patty
‘I’ll bet.’
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