Ode to Angelina Jolie de Seaside Heights

　

　
　
Patty, John and Adjin sit sipping milk shakes, on a bench on the boardwalk, across from the Beachcomber Bar. With palm trees, a sunglass wearing shark, bamboo wood and tikii totems, apparently, the bar celebrates New Jersey's founding by the lost tribe of drunk, perfectly tanned, polynesian-Italians. Their tradition of drinking, fighting and hurling is maintained to this day. It's the bar where Snookie, of MTV Jersey Shore fame, got punched in the face. Surpringly, that incident isn't on a sign pointing to the bar.

A beautiful woman walks by.

Patty

'Eck. I can't stand her."

John says all in one breath.

'Angelina Jolie de Seaside Heights. You've met her?'

Patty

'No, I don't wanna talk to her.

Angelina strolls by, John thinks, she walks in a way that women's legs are supposed to move...or not.


Patty

'I just wanna trip her. Or laugh when she trips herself. I mean, who has time to walk that way? That woman needs to man up. Look. One foot daintily in front of the other.'

Adjin

'Yeah, one foot..there goes the other foot. One foot, there goes the other foot.'

Patty punches Adjin in the upper arm....near the shoulder. As an almost nurse...she knows the punch is well-placed.

John

'She's creative. Look how she has used a bit of fishing net as a belt, gently pulled, draping down across her left hip.'

Adjin

'That's a crappy fishing net. Look John, the fish would slip right through those holes.'

Patty

'She's not fishing for fish boys.'

John

'I love her. I did a painting of her. Look, her toe nails match her bathing suit.'

Patty

'Not if I stamp on them.

Patty wiggles her girl-workboots.

Adjin

'Oh my God...she's going to sit in the Beachcomber Bar.'

The bar is open, wall-less, to the boardwalk. Some bar stools face the boardwalk so facing the bar, a woman...you know, or man,  would sit with their butt to the boardwalk. I mean...just saying.

Patty

'Hope she takes the stick out of her butt before she sits.'

John

'She just has good posture.'

Adjin

'P-o-s-t-u-r-e.'

Patty

'You know. I'm so glad I'm dating an EMS guy. A guy with depth.'
'Speaking of which...'

Ron walks up and kisses Patty. He sits down next to her. She offers him a sip of her milk shake.'

An old man walks by, pushing his dog in a baby carriage. Adjin and John look at the dog in the baby carriage. They are surprised when they say to each other at the same time:

'Randomness.'

They fist bump.

Ron

'What are we looking at?'

Patty points towards Angelina who is making the slowest walk, across the boardwalk ever made. Her hips and fishing net sway as she breezes towards the open- to- the- boardwalk bar...her back to the...audience.

Patty

'That phony, unrealistic- dream- of- a- virgin-gamer boy-- female-avitar dream freak.'

Ron's eyes start at the top of Angelina's straw hat and move down to her fishing net belt.

'Is that a fishing net?'

Adjin speaks and kinda goes into a daydream.

'Nope. The holes are too big.The fish would wiggle through those holes...and be free. So v-e-r-y free.'

Defense- Adjin looks quickly at Patty. And just as quickly, blocks her. He puts his hand over his arm where she punched him before.

Ron goes to give the milkshake back to

Patty

Patty blows him off.

'No you finish it. I feel fat today.'

Without warning....and..., and..., and... like a super model, Angelina Joile de Seaside Heights, stops, turns, lowers her sunglasses, looks directly at Patty, John, Adjin and Ron on the bench...........and smiles. She puts her sunglasses back on, smoothly turns and walks- toe carefully in front of toe- past the male tikii and into the bar. John notices the male tiki has strategically placed hands. Of course the hands were placed over his ahem...manhood... before Angelina walked by.

John

'You know Adjin...she smells like Coppertone...I think Coppertone with sports sunblock.'

Patty

'So I was right...she stinks.'