55th & Madison, the corner of pigeon and Fortune 500 Hunter

Pigeons seem to flock to Sony's headquarters at 55th and Madison Avenue. The Chippendale architecture is a tall piece of Americana originally created to warm-up the image of AT&T. Now it Americanizes the image of one of Hollywood's game-changers: Sony America. Anyway, pigeons love to roost in its nooks and crannies.

Across the street at the Bernard Stein Agency, road-weary Account Executives bring their accounts to a more corporate agency- well-versed in making accounts 'house'. But there is also the chance to work on Fortune 500 accounts. And the movie biz accounts at this agency, Bernard's membership in the Friars Club and financially backing movies attract  ambitious pigeons to roost too.

Mary, a middle-aged, co-founder of the Bernie Stein Agency, glanced up from her desk to the wall of tvs focused on various stock markets worldwide, and then walked quickly down the hall to Bernard Stein's office. A dark office with all black furniture, it faced the Sony building-an account the agency just acquired by attracting the Account Executive who controlled it and who happened to had been at the other Bernie's agency.

The only thing bigger than Bernie's desk...is Bernie.He is a massive man. With his wide girth, and water displacement, if he swam into New York Harbor, tug boats would accompany him, shooting water on either side to announce the arrival of an important ship. Befitting the size of the man and size of the agency-with offices around the US -and now the world as part of the Omnipotent family of companies-the meticulously appointed office with the Fred Flintsyone-sized furniture,

Mary sits in front of Bernie's desk. The chair gasps as Mary ample butt squeezes the air out of the seat cushion like a beltch.

'We will be putting Herb in the small office in the back...not the front office.'

Bernard

"Does he control the business or not?'

Mary

'Maybe not. They just met with Bernie's sister-in-law and their Creative Director, Keith. They were impressed with Keith and the work.'

Bernard

'Well, he has other business. Wish I knew that before I took him to the Friar's Club. Make him feel like we still want him and that we don't care about that account. We believe in his talent-kind-of-thing. If he doesn't deliver...'

Mary

'We'll have Maddy assist him...good at grabbing contact info-in case we have to let him go.'
'Let me make a quick phone call.'  

Mary goes to the far end of Bernard's long desk and dials a phone.

Mary

'Herb. Mary. Did we call you at a good time. Oh, are smiling here and meeting up with their friends for lunch. When will you be joining us? Oh, great. We'll don't worry about that. We have faith in you. We're buying talent...not an account. We'll look forward to seeing you then. Bye.'

'He's coming tomorrow. He's not letting Bernie know that he knows Bernie's sister-in-law, Cindy and the Creative Director, Keith, presented new ideas to his account last week. So we're going to present new ideas to them with Herb.'


Bernard

'Done. Might want to go after getting that Keith person here. Let's eat. I'm hungry.'

A pigeon flew off the ledge outside Bernard's window...making room for another to roost.

The Creative Director & the Chrysler Building outside his window.

The silver, ornate spire of the Chrysler Building almost out-dazlled John's Creative Director. Keith's long, blonde, permed shoulder-length hair, animation and enthusiasm for future projects made John feel accomplished - when he'd actually accomplished very little.

On the wall, a minmalistic ad comprised of a drawing of a PC with the title 'Masterpiece'.

Gestering to the ad

John

"That's great.'

Keith

'Yes, I won some award for that. Disney went very well. We're going to make a great team.'

John

'Cool.'

Keith

'What you and David came up with for Cindy is fine. I just have to adjust somethings...a little refining. I'm confident we'll keep that account. I have a relationship with them too.'

John

'What will happen to Herb?'

Keith

"He'll be a 40 something guy with no accounts.'

John

'But he'll still be here?'

Keith

'No.'

John

'How long has he been here?'

Keith

'He was a lifer...I thought. At least 15 years. You cross Bernie...you are out'

John

'So where will he go?'

Keith

'The other Bernie will hire him for a while...see what business he can pull.'

John

'What a business.'

Keith

"actually John...it's a none-of-your-business.'

A woman punctuates New York City glamor.

David

'I just saw Herb in the hall and smiled. We're stabbing him in the back-right in front of his face..'

John

'What? Well if he took the account and jumped agencies, wouldn't people here lose jobs? And he came to work here AND met with that other Bernie person right?'

David

'Yes but...'

John

'So...'

David

'Anyway, I think we've got what we need. And I've got a couple of days to work on it.....which is good.''

John shuts off his PC.

'Later'

It's funny how with all the buildings in New York City, you can still see the moon rise John thinks as he walks to Penn Station. Wide Park Avenue sparkles with white tree lights in the center isle and along the street. 5th Avenue looks glamorous and the Empire State Building defines New York City, looks like this big friend and a masterpiece at the same time. Looking north on Broadway, the lights of Times Square light up entire buildings and splash bright colors onto the streets like liquid neon.

John thinks, I don't know about being able to make it anywhere. But it means something to make it here, The white string lights running up from the grand, Herald Square entrance of Macy's are like a light house, leading John to Penn Station and home. At a Macy's window, a tall, thin woman with black hair pulled tight. She wears gold hoop earings, a short, white jacket, black blouse and long, very tight white skirt with a revealing slit up her leg. Her razor thin high heels are gold.  The light from Macy's window lights up her skirt's front, making the back of her skirt in grays and the outline of her butt round.

Her body looks like an exclamation point John thinks. Oh great, 'you look like punctuation to me miss.' Just as well you will never meet her or talk to her.

Still, she's an exciting end to a glamorous New York day. Glamorous because glamour only exists in your head when you create. Doesn't matter whether you are talking about a person, concept or lifestyle. The reality, John thinks is, at least I'm getting to work with New York talent. David Goldstein is New York talent. And I like Goldstein's morals. His  sense of right and wrong is always there. We're a good team. We helped save a big account... and loss a bit of our souls. Oh, screw it. I'll be moral tomorrow. Today was a glam fest.

A stampeed of one...maybe she's from the Westside..

Blythe to John

'You'll be working in here today with David.'

John

'O.K. That was fun on Friday.'

Blythe makes a shush gesture and brings John into a small office with two desks. John sees offices come to life across Lexington Avenue as lights are switched on.  David comes in about a half hour later.'

David

"Ahhh. Did we have bad dreams about a cat eating the head off of mice?'

John

.Yes we did. I think I'm more of a Times Square, Mid-Town kinda guy.'

David

"Ah....regarde le sophisticate, We talking Planet Hollywood, ESPN? Hard Rock Cafe?'

John

'Yes, I do like all that themed stuff. I like the art...'

David

'Like walking on a set. You are such a child. Follower'

John

'Yes Moses. Except with the ad ideas or writing.  But in life? Who's my daddy? Everyone.'

Cindy, Bernie's Sister-in-Law charges into the office. In her long, bulky fur coat and white cowboy boots, at a glance she looks like a charging buffalo. John thinks of a western voice over to a scene of buffalo running on the Great Plains: to the white man, this is the dawn of an era. To my people, it was but the sunset. To the poor buffalo, it was one bitch shooting at him or another. 

Hel-loooo.' She waves a funny hand in front of John to break him out of his daydream.

'So I don't have to tell you this is a top secret pitch.'

She throws a file on David's desk. He opens it.

David

'This is Herb's account.'

Cindy

'It's the agency's account and I'm not having one of these discussions David. I'm going there Friday, so you have to create a multi-media campaign ready by Thursday, It has to work across multi-media platforms.'

Cindy to John

'Disney asked how much we'd charge for the radio spot you wrote.'

John

'That's so cool...Disney is awesome.'

David

'Disney is awesome...you are good with words.'

John laughing

'Shut up David.'

Cindy

'Anyway you know what they've approved in the past David. So let's give them more of that plus something dfferent. Enjoy.'

Cindy leaves with a happy wave.

John

'I like her. She's soo nice.'

David

'No one here is nice. And I'm not having this discussion with you again. They want the same thing and something different. Don't you just love the direction you get from Account Executives?'

John sets a line on Barnegat Bay-Bernie uses one in New York

Barnegat Bay was miiror smooth as John dropped two crab cages off the bulkhead on Barnegat Bay. He layed on the dock to watch the crabs move in for the bait, as his cell phone rang...'David'.

John

'Hey'

David

'Just about to play butt ball. There's a fat-cat golfer just about to bend over and take his golf ball out of the hole.'

John hears a 'swoosh'....and David laughing.

David yelling

'Sorry'

John

'You know you are sick.'

David

'Works for me. I'm the moral authority all week long at Bernie's.'

John

'k  But maybe we can be all moral and creative because there's other ambitious, ruthless people to build the ad agencies.'

David

'Easy to say if you keep your job.'

John

'...at least Bernie hired me in the first place...'

David

'You are hopeless. Oh well, so many butts to hit...so little time. What are you  doing.'

John

'Crabbing.'

David

'Oh, so you do have a girl.'

John

'Goodbye Goldstein.'

David

'See you tomorrow.'

John kiddingly

'Not if I see you first.'

A blue crab goes into the crab cage. In New York, Bernie uses the line of money to get one Account Executive to  pitch the account of another Account Executive who secretly interviewed at arch rival Bernard Stein Agency.

An antenna for communicating with aliens and bird-feeder squirrel blocker

John crosses Ocean Boulevard with his surfboard under his arm.Aunt Margaret is on the front porch and walking down the steps.

Aunt Margaret

What do you think

She gestures towards the birdfeeder which now has 5 sharp rods and a triangle metal hood on it.

Aunt Margaret

'That ought to stop the squirrels.'

John

'...and contact aliens.'

The metal edges glisten in the sun...like a razor sharp prison fence.

John

'Could a squirrel become impaled on that...and hang there..I don't know. I'm just asking.'

Aunt Margaret

'Oh God, I'd never hurt an animal. Help me take this down.'

John and Aunt Margaret take the metal squirrel blocker down and rehang the bird feeder. John walks up the steps and leans his surf board against the porch wall. He and Aunt Margaret go inside. Before the front screen door slams...the squirrels are back on the feeder. They win. Squirrels always win.

Inside the house is innaculate and something is cooking in the kichen. This is always dicey with Aunt Margaret because she was always a career-kinda-person...not domestic except when it comes to cleaning-Virgo you know.

Aunt Margaret

'I've made home made chicken soup. Your father's friend Sol Zemmel dropped the koscher chicken  off.'

John

"This fast? I thought it took a lot of time to make broth,'

John sees Aunt Helen is in the kitchen at the table with a bowl of soup.'

John

'Hey Aunt Helen. Is that good?'

Helen

'Nooo.'

Aunt Margaret

What do you mean?'

Aunt Helen

'I means yes...'

John goes over to the chicken pot.'

John

Oh, this chicken is pink. And it;s just in water....there's fat floating...'

Aunt Margaret

'The vegetables are boiled.'

John

'How 'bout we cook the chicken for later and ...they opened a Papa'a Johns across the bay.'

Aunt Helen

"That sounds good.'

Aunt Margaret

'Oh Helen...'

Aunt Helen to John

'I keep saying the wrong thing.'

Aunt Helen was the better cook, when she focused on lighting the gas piolet and not talking to Aunt Margaret AND lighting the oven.  That got her blown across the kitchen once.

The pizza looked more like a life saver to John the more he thought about it.

Sliding down a water mountain.

Taking that wave on a blue surfboard
Standing up/balancing on a collapsing water mountain.
Leaning right  - wave curls overhead
shooting down inside a waterfall
Using right hand, fingers stretch, hit wave/slow down/move up the curl
Looking through telescope of blue/green water
Feeling calf and ankle muscles react like shock absorbers
Shooting up the water mountain
Catching air, feeling feet slip on the surfboard
Falling backwards off a cliff-almost
Twisting left-heading straight down the wave's slope
Churning white water, foaming over surfboard's edge
Laying down on the surfboard -gliding into white foamy, shallow water
Grabbing surfboard's edge-arm hair shines with gleaming-golden sunshine
salt air fills lungs
exhale-sigh

You just have to be ready for the next wave.

The sun dawns over the Atlantic like a red Gummy Bear. Melting on the ocean, the sun turns the wave crests crimson as they break on the white sand. Reaching further,the dawn stretches and yawns across the dunes, boardwalk, and Ocean Boulevard in Seaside Park New Jersey. Peaking into the window of John's Aunt's Victorian, it finds John spralled on his bed with an open bag of Gummy Bears on his pillow.

John opens his eyes, eats a few Gummy Bears, puts on a Disney World shirt and boarder shorts and heads downstairs. The ocean breeze is blowing the lace curtains in the parlor. His Aunt's house is filled with antiques, the steamer trunk his grandmother brought with her from Ireland, A big, oak table with massive, carved legs, framed immigration documents on the walls plus some of John's ocean paintings. He hears water running in the kitchen...Aunt Margaret must be washing dishes in the kitchen.

John's eyes widen as he sees an empty, country kitchen with a beautiful, waterfall: the kitchen sink over-floowing on to the tiny tiled floor. John runs over to shut the faucet off. His hand gets soap on it because Aunt Margaret puts soap on the faucet that is touched by dirty hands. John turns and runs out of the slippery-soaked kitchen and onto the back deck to get a mop and bucket. He sees his aunt laughing with a neighbor. His aunt waves and sees John frantically grabbing the bucket and mop.

Aunt Margaret to the neighbor

'Oh, he's very clean...especially for a boy.'

John runs back into the kitchen and mops up the mess as a gentle, salty breeze makes the Irish lace curtains blow. Surf may be up with a breeze like that John thinks.

John runs out onto the back deck, grabs his surboard and waves to his aunt and the neighbor. The purple and pink flower border at their feel blow in the breeze. John walks fast across Ocean Boulevard as a yellow jeep wrangler with a red sur board beeps hello a it passes him. John waves back as he walks up a short ramp to the boardwalk. He heads onto a wooden walkway between the dunes. The ocean breeze blows back his blonde hair as he sees a trackless white sandy beach and good sized waves.   

John lays his surboard down on the sand and grabs the wax bar from his back pocket. He waxes his board, looks around and sees he is totally alone on the beach. That won't last he thinks as he puts the wax bar back into his back pocket and buttons it. As he walks into the salty water, the ocean feels a little cool on his ankles, thighs, waist and entire body. He jumps on the board and just misses a beautiful wave for riding. He remembers how missing those kinds of waves became a philosophy of life. When you miss out on something, or life is bad, you have to hang on and ride it out. There always is another wave. You have to be ready for it. And being ready for the nextwave creates hope. And I for one need hope John thinks as he gets up on the board to surf.

East Village Edginess

As the drinks went down..the lights of the city came up, sparkling with spotlight on architectually interesting roof tops and splashing fountains.

Laurie to John

'You look like a little boy I could tie up and do whatever I want to.'

John laughs.

Laurie

"I'm Laurie. A bunch of us are going dancing down in the village.'

John

'I don't really dance but I'll come hang out.'

A lot of the gang pour into two cabs. John's mind is getting a little foggy as he sees the buildings get progressively smaller and shorter. Soon the cab has stopped and the gang is running down the street and into this non-descript black doorway. The walls are painted black as is the bar. Most of the patrons are wearing all black. John is wearing an orange Daytona Beach t-shirt and jeans. Above the black dance flloor, is a black and white film showing a cat eating the head off a mouse.-over and over. These two girls grab John onto the empty dance fllor. John figures he'll just dance with them. But soon, they are freezing in motion like statues. John stops, not knowing what to do. David is bent over laughing. Stacey goes onto the dance foor, grabs John's hand and pulls him off the dance floor to the bar. John looks around, there are homeless people in the bar who are wearing layers of clothes and winter coats, act disturbed and smell.

John

'I don't like this place.'

Stacey

'It's one of the city's hot spots for young broadway types.'

David

'We'll protect you Johnny.'

Laurie

'I love piercings. Bernie doesn't allow any.'

Stacey

'Wouldn't want an ad agency look creative.'

David

"The agency isn't creative...we are.'

Stacey

'Gawd.'

David to John

'Bernie tells clients he has creative centers nationwide....most just have an artist. You'll be getting calls from all over....including London.'

John

'Bloody brilliant. I'd rather be flying over London on Peter Pan's ride in DisneyWorld.'

David

'You are in for the ride of your life at Bernie's World.'

Stacey

'Shut up and kiss me.'

Stacey kisses David.

John

'Can't say I didn't see that coming.'

Laurie grabs John's hand.

Laurie

'We're dancing.'

Laurie and John dance. Aot of people around them have designed their own out- fits. Some look cool with big pins and piercings. Even the boots have novle tops....some looking like leather basket weaves.

John feels an arm on his shoulder.

David

'We're leaving'

Laurie

'You can crash at my place in Murray Hill.'

John

'No. I'm going surfing tomorrow. I'm going to head home.  It was fun.'

Laurie

'O.K. head home before you turn into a pumpkin princess.'

John

"Look, my shirt's already turning orange.'

Spilling drinks & conversation on each other

The gang just looked so attractive, John thought as he looked across the bar-with the back drop of the city beyond. But more than anything, the fun, 'vacation spot' feel of the decor was relaxing.

Blythe

'Oh, don't worry, we have people covering in case Bernie calls. They'll shut off your PC too.'

John

'Oh great. Funny...first there's lot's of supervision at the agency, then there's none.'

Blythe

'No we're just good at surviving the agency.'

John sips his salted margarita.

David to John

'You have salt on your lip.'

John

'Back off, salt lick boy.'

David laughs, winks and gestures with his eyes towards Stacey. He leans in and whispers in her ear. Stacey tries to compose herself as if her drink went up her nose. The over-sized, red, blue and light green drinks-plus the yellow Coronas with green limes, sparkle in the late afternoon sunlight-streaming through the windows.People don't look this good. In his hometown bar, John thinks. There is a picture of John Wayne, an American Eagle-all on wood paneling. Men with bellies that enter a room before the rest of their body do, sit on black stools with studs. These are working guys who fished for a living or fixed boats and cars. The people at Rio were willowy...looking like they were less apt to hold their ground in a wind storm. So it was not surprising that topics and conversation spilled as casually as an over-filled margarita.

John to Tony

'So spill it. How do you survive Bernie.'

Tony

'Do your job. Someone said you live down the shore?'

John sips his drink.

John

'Yeah.'

Tony

'Then you know how to tread water.  Bernie wins...always.  Keep pleasing clients...getting business.'

John

'Writing is really my thing...the rest of living...not so much.'

Tony takes a big sip of his blue margarita.

Tony

"...and if you take an account from the Bernard Stein Agency....that's big. Bernie hates Bernie.'

John

'Yeah, what's up with that?'

Tony

'Stein came from Sutton Place.  Our Bernie from Brooklyn. He became a traffic person, getting ads to magizines and newspapers, then assistant account executive, then a great sales person who just took over our agency by threatening to leave it...and take his accounts with him. So the owner sold it to him. Now he gets a piece of everything. And in New York, everyone has their own deal...they're on 100% commission and get billed back for pitches. In the branch offices, no one is on just commission. New York is tough. And Bernie respects tough. So don't wimp out'

John

"Sounds like he's in control of everything...'

Tony

'Well, we don;t have to stay...we're not slaves.'

John

'Not in this life...'

TEX/MEX and a New York City skyline

Stacey comes up behind David and John and put her hands on their shoulders.


Stacey

'You can't do McDonalds today...Bernie is out of town and Keith.
Party at Rios.'

David to John

"Oh that's right. You'll love Rios. Half of it is a Mexican restaurant and half of it is Texan.'

Stacey

"Yeah, but the gang never makes it past the bar.'

Tanya, a pretty Black woman from the Virgin Island runs up.

Tanya

'..and those frozen margaritas.

Stacey

'Hey, have you met John.'

Tanya

"No. But anyone who can please Hoffman on his first day...'

John

'Really?'

Tanya

"Yeah, they're going ahead with the focus group on the three ads.'

Stacey

'So no McDonald's today. Besides, first you are living large, eating at McDonald's then you're living supersized.'

David

' Rio's is an important part of a heart healthy diet.'

With that,Tony, a big, super-friendly, Black guy from accounting with a broad smile joins them.

David to Tony

'Tony is there so much...people think he;s a greeter.'

Blythe joins them as Tony is introduced to John. She whispers to John.

Blythe

'Bernie is happy with you...for now...the Disney team likes the radio spot you did. They're going to move you in into that area in front of Keith's office. It's more out of the way than where you are...'

Tony

'In the hall. Isn't it great seeing people crash into each other at that corner by you.'

John

"I do think that's funny...isn't that aweful?

John to Blythe

'The entire Disney company...everything they've created should be a national treasure I'm glad I even just got to do the radio spot for them"

The gang of friends head towards a glass-walled restaurant with a big buffalo hanging over the bar with a flag of Texas. And beyond, Mexican tile and pottery.

Blythe

"Anyway, you'll be getting work from the California offices...on the big pitches. The more Account Executives like you...the more Bernie likes you. He believes 'water seeks it's own level'.


David to John

'Margarita's seek their own level too.'

Q: Ever feel people are in your life for a reason? A: I dated a salt lick once.

The mood on Friday's in the agency is much quieter. John handles a few ad/headline requests and it's time for lunch he thinks.

David and John meet in the lobby, and almost instantly, the elevador comes.

David

'Well, they got rid of the guy in DC.'

John

'...work with him a lot?'

David

"Few times a month,'

John

'See, I'm not defending anyone or saying I don't care how someone acts. I just don't  feel in control of...much. And I think you can grow by being around people who aren't so...nice. I think people are in our lives for a reason. Did you ever feel like that?

David

'This girl and I used to meet at Rio. Half the restaurant is Mexican and half is Texan. So we'd go there and eat salty chips and salted margaritas-and we'd kiss....salty kisses. So basically, I dated a salt lick.'

John

'Well, there you go.'

David

'No, here I go.'

The elevador doors open and they walk out.

David

'O.K. spill it. I basically believe if you are a woman and God tells you not to look and you do...you are turned into a pillar of salt...which you know I find attractive in a woman...and you?'

John

'I'm Catholic in this life. But I our souls are born again to gain the insight into....universal....goodness...so when we die we are closer to the ultimate good....God. I mean if you aren't close to God in life...how can you be close to him in death?'

David

'I'm like'n my pillar of salt more and more. Wanna do McDonalds?'

The family rents a race track.

As John rounds the corner of Lexington and 41 Street, he sees David walking towards him.

John

'What-up Goldstein?'

That family. They have me get rid of the DC artist, really because he's sick, and they go off to North Carolina to race their Ferraris. They rented an entire race track.

At that moment, Bernie, his wife and three sons are having their pictures taken by a professional photographer. They have racer jump suits on and smile, and gesture thumbs up. The family jumps into their Ferraris and open them up past the empty Grand Stand and light towers. As they round the final bend, the photographer takes action shots.

John and David walk into 360 Lexington.

John

'But Bernie gave me a job. I couldn't create an agency and hire myself.'

David

'That's not the point. I'm talking morals.'

John

'Well I'm glad I work with you and I already consider you a friend. And be happy for me. Things went really well at the recording studio.'

David

'Well, that's good.'

John

'The actress and engineer made it better than the way I pictured it.'

David

'Well that's the way it should work.'

In DC the Art Director puts his coffee cup, pictures and gag toys in a box. After working at the agency for 10 years, he enters the elevador and leaves for the last time. He was fired for poor  job performance.

Mid town recording studio -mad respect for actors and recording engineers

The building where the recording studio was looks so normal from the outside. But when the elevador doors opened, John walked into the coolest black, red and chrome world. The furniture, the lighting and the receptionist we so New York City slick/creative. Once inside, John felt like an insider. There was a leather lounge with free soft drinks and snacks. Beyond, a hall with doors to recording studios. He almost forgot he had one hour to record the spot at $1,000 an hour. What if the actress didn't show up? Or the engineer? Just then a skinny, busy guy ran up to John.

Engineer

'You John? I'm Josh.'

John

'Melissa is already here. She has some great ideas.'

John walks into the recording studio and sees a glassed-in, sound proof,  small room and beyond a big board of electronics, slightly elevated, facing the booth. A stunningly beautiful red haired woman greets him.

Melissa

'John?  Melissa Goz. I have such great ideas for your script.'

John

'k'

Melissa

"I figure Disney wants like professional couples with kids...'cause o the cost right.'

John

'k'

Melissa

'And corporate people aren't good at acting cool. So I'm gonna do it like a woman trying to be cool.'

Josh

'And I'm gonna add cool music in the background.'

Melissa

'So together...it's like an inside joke to the audience can relate to...trying to be cool to your kids. 'Cause the copy points are all there.'

Josh does a forgetaboutit wave.

Josh

'The copy points are alll there. It's great.'

John

'k'

Josh

"Let's do this.'

Josh guides John to the control board.

Melissa goes down a step and into the sound proof recording booth.

Josh points out a button.

Josh

'Press this if you want to talk to Melissa.'

Melissa has ear phones on and a microphone in front of her.

Josh

'Ready to do a run through?'

Melissa

'Ready'

Melissa's voice sounds a bit like the characters in Charlie Brown's Christmas. Almost like a school play. So the words sound like an amature being cool.

'Before the pixie dust settles.
They're too old for tea cups spinning 'round kettles.
Pirates ship-out for girlfriends
Cinderella & Minnie are no longer BF's best friends
& electrical parades yield to parades of teens
Before we miss what 'family' means.
There's a place as magical as you've heard.
Disneyland.
Word.

Melissa changes to an announcer's voice who sounds like she is  ready to break into laughter-total fun.

Melissa

'Plan your Disneyland trip by calling xxx-xxx-xxxx Or go online: Disneyland.com'

John thinks. Thank God she caught that...I wrote 'you heard' instead of 'you've heard'. That's the script Keith sent over.

Josh to John

'How much do you love the meter of that?'

John

'k'

Josh

'You heard the man. Let's record.'

Melissa

'Melissa Goz, Disneyland pitch.

Before the pixie dust settles.
They're too old for tea cups spinning 'round kettles.
Pirates ship-out for girlfriends
Cinderella & Minnie are no longer BF's best friends
& electrical parades yield to parades of teens
Before we miss what 'family' means.
There's a place as magical as you've heard.
Disneyland.
Word.'

Melissa in fun announcer voice.

'Plan your Disneyland trip by calling xxx-xxx-xxxx Or go online: Disneyland.com'

Josh presses button to talk to Melissa.

'That was great Melissa.'

Josh to John

'Let's play it back. I'll put it on speaker.'

The radio spot plays.

Josh

'Perfect. I'll have to take out a few breaths...tighten it up.'

John

'o.k.'

Josh

'You're done. One-shot-Goz.'

Melissa comes out of booth and reaches up to shake John's hand.

Melissa

'Great spot.'

John

'Thank you sooo much. You are soo talented.'

Melissa

'Thanks. Later Josh.'

Josh

'Good to see you again.'

John

'You know here.'

Josh

'We did some spot for something.'


Melissa leaves. Josh is playing the recording and taking out breaths.

Josh

'Wanna get a soda before we search for music?'

John

'Alright. Be right back.'

I can't believe how well this is going John thinks as he gets a soda. Another guy, all in black, is there in a black, red and chrome decorated lounge. The walls are covered with recording awards..

Guy in black

'Recording sessions. Brutal.'

John

'Yeah. I love it though.'

John goes to leave break lounge.

Guy in black

'Gotta love it.'

Back in the studio, Josh has put three songs to the back of the spot. He plays them and John can't believe how sophisticated and nuanced the result.

John

I think the second one...it's not mocking her and yet...it's teasing her.

Josh

'Exactly. Well then I'll be sending this off to California. Your boss will get one instantly and a back-up CD version tomorrow.

John

'Josh, thank you sooo much. This came out so much better than I ever imagined it.'

Josh

'Thanks. That's my aim.'

John's head is spinning as he leaves the dark, quiet studio and onto a sunny, noisy New York City scene. He thinks, if anyone says they made it totally on their own...

'Not enough Black people at Disney...but Mickey is Black...kinda.'

As soon as David and John step off the elevador, Keith is there, holding the double doors to the office open.

Keith

'Have to brief you right away.'

John follows Keith into a corner office with a view of the Chrysler Building, one block away.

Keith

'Nice right?'

John

'Really...iconic.'

Keith

'I'm going to pitch Hoffmann today. Seen it?

John

'It's great. David...'

Keith

'I had to rethink the art side. I'm o.ok. with it now.'

John

'oh'

Keith

'You have to write a kinda rap radio spot promoting Disneyland for Black tourists. They aren't getting enough Black tourists. Nothing that can be taken the wrong way...no sex, drugs etc. Then tomorrow you will go here and get an actress to record it.'

John

'But Mickey Mouse is Black...kinda. Well, from the back.'

Keith rolls his eyes and hands John a piece of paper.

Keith

'The recording studio is off Vanderbelt. It's a few blocks from here near Grand Central. The name of the engineer you'll use is on there too. He's great, he works with MTV a lot. He'll pick out the background music...hip, urban. He'll also email the finished file to me and burn a cd of it and ship it Fed Ex to me in California. Here's the management company you'll call to book the actress. Do that as soon as you get back to your desk.'

Keith hands John another piece of paper with the management company's number on it.

Keith

'Do this before any thing else.'

John

'K. Cool.'

John walks fast back to his desk. Assistants are running in and out of the art room, David is arguing with one to 'just sell it' and other assistants are running up to Blythe who is answering Bernie's phones.

John calls the management company and books Mellisa Goz. God I hope she knows what she is doing because I don't...John thinks. He fires off a few ads to various Account Executives, AE's, and very quickly his email 'bings' with approvals. Disneyland. Well, I've been to the Magic Kingdom. He hits the Internet, Disney, and starts taking notes.

Peter Pan...fly over London....cruise with pirates....haunted mansion, abomidable snowman, teacups, rocket, main street, electrical parade, tiki birds, mickey mouse ears, balloons, tinker bell, sevem dwarfs, snow white, cinderela, princess, prince charming, rocketships tomorrowland, adventure land, jungle cruise, frontierland, new orleans square,

John writes

Before the pixie dust settles.
And they're too old for riding in tea cups around kettles

John crosses out 'And they're' and writes

'Before the pixie dust settles.
They're too old for tea cups spinning 'round kettles.
Pirates ship-out for girlfriends
Cinderella & Minnie are no longer BF's best friends
& electrical parades yield to parades of teens
Before we miss what 'family' means.
There's a place as magical as you heard.
Disneyland.
Word.

ANNOUNCER

Plan your Disneyland trip by calling xxx-xxx-xxxx Or go online: Disneyland.com

Says Disneyland 3 times John thinks. k. He prints it out and runs back to Keith's office.

Keith

'Why are you back. It's been an hour. Did you call the management company? Did you at least get started on the radio spot? You have to record it tomorrow you know. The studio is around $1,000 an hour-we pay no matter if we are there or not.'

John hands Keith the script.

John

'Hope it's good.'

Keith

'I like it. The music will make it hip. It's sentimental.'

John

'Oh sorry.'

Keith

'Disneyland is sentimental.'

John

'Disneyland. Word.'

'Yeah, but Donald Duck doesn't wear pants.'

Stacey

'Well, thanks to our new, fabulous writer...I'm off to Hoffmann with the gang.'

John

'Thanks Stace.  you guys are so nic...make me feel relaxed...puts me at my best.'

David

'They're not nice.

Stacey

'To nice  people..'

David

'Where are you from? Quit sucking up.'

John to Stacey

'Sometimes I like saying something nice, truthful, but nice. I call it verbal healing...'

Stacey

'Yeah.'

Stacey to David

'Where are you from?'

David

'Western New York State. The Finger Lakes region. Guess which finger?'

John laughing

'The thumb...you usually walk around with your thumb up your ass. '

Stacey stands up and brushes her skirt off.

Stacey

'With that, I'm off to Hoffman.'

Stacey to John

'I'll call in to tell you how it went.'

Stacey turns and walks down the hill back to the office. The yellow, white and blue pattern mirrors the blue sky against yellow autumn trees that line the street.

John

'That dress reminds me of when I look up at the yellow leaves and see the blue sky above.'

David

'You wanna look up Stacey's dress?'

John looks sarcastically at David.

They walk back to the office.

David

'Keith is going to present. Should be some ride out there.'

John

'I'm surprised. Keith said he didn't want to deal with them.'

David

'Bernie asked him to go sell it. Then he goes to pitch Disneyland.'

John

"love Disney....especially the background art.'

David

'Good 'cause you are going to write a rap-type radio spot. Nothing sexual. Remember, Disney characters have no adult buldges.'

John

'But Donald Duck runs around in just a shirt and hat...no pants. In fact, his girlfriend Daisy just wears a bow in her hair, shirt and high heels...no pants.'

David

'That's hot.'

Brown Bagdad it! Iraqis take out!

David

'Meet me in the lobby. Quick before they give you more ads.'

John heads out to the lobby. Bernie is there with his wife.

Bernie to David

'Why all the black every day.'

David

'Creatives often where black...it's so the focus is on the art.'

Bernie-pointing at John

'Explain that.'

John is wearing an orange big khauna surf shirt and jeans

John

'I think you either have lot's of ideas or you don't. Has nothing to do with clothes.'

Bernie to David

'He's got your department backed up. Told you, I want a factory with pitches going out.'

Elevador doors open and they get in. No one talks. When they get out they separate.

David to John

'Factory...oh inspire me.'

John

'I'm just glad I can do t.'

They cross Lexington and walk down a side street with trees.

John

'A hill in Manhattan.'

David

''Murray Hill. Where do you live?'

John

'Seaside Heights.'

David

'Where the MTV house was.  And rides. So on your resume under skills, do you have that you can say: do you want to go faster?'

John

'No. That's what your girlfriend has over her bed.'

David

'Ooo, What the hell does that mean.' John smiles and shruggs his shoulders. 'This is an Iraqi deli.'

Inside there's little Middle Eastern touches, beads, shelves with jugs with geometric designs on them, Muslim symbols near the window and a black board with specials.

John

'David I'lll have  what you are having...just tell me what I owe you.'

Back in the sunlight, they walk pass some private residences, up the hilll to Lexington and up further to the steps John thought would be a good place to eat. Not unlike monkeys, some aggressive suit types are seated at the highest steps.

David hands John a picture of a guy bending ober a golf hole to retrieve his ball and getting hit in the butt with a golf ball.

John

'What's this?'

Just keep clicking.

John clicks the forward button. John sees another man getting hit in the butt as a caddy rolls on the ground, laughing.


John

'Oh my God. You really play that a-hole golf...

David

'A hole in one A-hole.'

John laughs

'You're sick.'

David

'Why? What do you do for fun.'

John

'Your mother.'

David

'First my sister now my mother. It might be funny if my mother were still with me.'

John

'Oh, I'm sorry.'

David

'Why? She likes living over in Brooklyn.'

John

'Ass.'

Stacey

'See, less than one day and he already has you pegged. Can I sit?'

David

'Can you? Are you able to?'

Stacey sits

''Ending questions with prepositions much?'

John

'You're both well-spoken.

Stacey

'See David. He knows how to make nice.'

David

'It's his first day.  Fuck you comes on day two.'

Stacey

Bernie likes him. Says he's gonna be a cash cow. Mooo.'

John

'Oh my God. I was making fun of  pushy business people and saying someone should say 'moo.''

David

'Please learn to speak New York. It's 'oh my Gawd. And you pronounce the 'g' on Long Island where Stacey lives.'

Stacey

"Oh, you don't need to pronounce Long Island. "Cause you will never, ever be invited to my house.'

David

'Hummis You like'n the food Johnny boy?'

John

"yeah. It's different to me.'

David looks at his flat bread sandwich.

David

'They used to have a little dog running around there. Wonder where that dog is.'

Stacey laughing

'Borderline racist. Yo're sick.

John

'I love dogs.'

David

'Bar-b- qued?'

John laughs.

David 'woofs' and acts like he's going to lick John's face. John pulls back.

John looks out towards Park Avenue.

John

'I can't believe I'm a writer in New York City.'

Stacey

'A good one.'

John

'Stacey you are sooo nice. I'm so sensitive, it helps being around nice people.'

Stacey

'Ahh..'

David

'In New York, everyone is on 100% commission on the ads, commercial media bills. In the outer offices they are on salary. The out of town offices are nicer because they are just desparate for ideas. Here, they are more demandng.'

Stacey

'But people like him.'

David

'Until something goes wrong.'

Stacey

'David stop. It's the kid's first day. You'll do great...I know.'

David

'Oh, I think you will too. Bernie is not nice.'

David to Stacey

'He's making me find a replacement for DC's artist..he thinks he has aides.'

Stacey

'David as your friend...I'm telling you again just to do it and shut up about it. They have a file of pitches that didn't go through in DC. So it's officially, job performance.'

David

'Oh that's such bull hit and you know it.'

Stacey

'I know he's going to be out regardless...so shut up.'

Stacey to John

'We're taking your ads to Hoffmann this afternoon.'

John

'Wow. That was fast.'

Stacey

'They've been waiting. We had a lot of crappy writers.'

David

"linda was awe-----some.'

Stacey

'Awesome? More like get some....

Stacey to John

'She had little ideas and big tits. She was the last person David was allowed to hire.'

David

'Awe-some.'

Hit the butt ball

All the desks in front of the windowed offices are now filled with people talking and laughing on the phone, and alternately, yelling questions regarding publications to the Account Executives in the offices. The agency has taken on the ambience of a fun, out-of-control school lunch room.

Wow, I'm really getting through these pitches John thought as he finished the fourth one. So he hardly noticed when an ad slipped across his desk.

Jill

'What do you think of this?'

 John reads the ad.

John

'Wow. What an ignorant ad.'

Jill

'Thanks. I wrote that. I went to Columbia Uinversity. Do better.'

Jill walks quickly away.

John

'O.K. I meant boring...'

Jill runs into her office.

Jill

'Client hated it too.'

John rewrites ad really fast with a headline and alternate headline. Jill yells from her office.

Jill

'Love it. Sending to my client. I'm just tightening a few things.'

David runs up to John's desk.

Daivid

'So, I see you've met J-i-l-l.'

John

'She's nice.'

David

'No. They all talk and they like what you and I did for Hoffmann. See my email.'

John opens email from David.

John

'David, these are reallly brilliant. Your design is great.'

David

'I know.'

Bernie walking by.

Bernie

"I see talking...not arting David.'

David

Thanks to this guy, we're all backed up. He did 4 pitches in 4 hours.'

Bernie smiles and keeps walking.

David

'Lunch later? I'll telll you how I play hit the butt ball.'

John

'Oh, you're Gay. That's cool.'

David

'I'm not queer. I just hit golf balls at the butts of golfers.'

Planet Stupid vs Planet Johnny

John keeps re-reading the direction in the brief. 'They're a really conservative company who wants something wild!' What planet is that Account Executive on. Oh, I know John thinks: Planet Stupid. Of course, I'm on Planet Johnny so...ah, 'they will be testing 4 color ads with just a headline, visual and logo.' From that the reader must understand that Hoffmann-La Roche is a research driven pharmaceutical leader. John starts free associating words and visuals on paper. Bernie walks by, sees this and smiles.

labs coats                                                                                getting ahead
swiss                                                                                       cheese
molecules                                                                                 rearrange
petrie dishes                                                                             freezers
centerfuge                                                                                corporate culture
DNA                                                                                       ladder...corporate ladder
periodic tables                                                                          symbols
Human                                                                                     element
Stacey

'Hi. Oh great. You're working on my pitch. We'd like two word headlines.'

Keith, John's Creative Director

'Why don't we all grunt. You can work with her directly with her.  I won't. They won't get this anyway.'

Stacey

'Thanks Keith.'

Keith walks away.

Stacey

'He's a schmuck'

David

'Did I hear my name mentioned.'

Stacey

'Oh, another jerk. Why are you so annoying? '

David

'It's a gift.'

Stacey

'You are like this horrible little brother.  I was thinking of you when I first got up this morning...'

David

'Glad I was on your mind. Was I in your dreams?'

Stacey

"Nightmares.'

Stacey walks away.

David

'I'm the artist.'

Bernie walks by with another man.

Bernie to David

'So go art.'

David

'When you have ideas or headlines,  give them to me.

John

'I have two.'

Bernie looks at John, and then enters his office.

David

'Already'

John

'Well, the brief had basic research on the company. So it was easy. Look.

labs coats                                                                                getting ahead
swiss                                                                                       cheese
molecules                                                                                 rearrange
petrie dishes                                                                             freezers
centerfuge                                                                                corporate culture
DNA                                                                                       ladder...corporate ladder
periodic tables                                                                          symbol

John writes:

Corporate Ladder.....visual DNA molecule...

John

Look it up....it looks like a ladder. To me that says to get ahead, you have to know or be in research.

David

'It says Bernie won't be up my ass. No it's great.'

John writes:   Corporate Culture...visual...petrie dish

John

So that would say their corporate culture is research.

David

'Exactly.'

Man who had been walking with Bernie.

Fernando

'Hey Goldstein. You gonna talk or draw something.'

David  grabs a piece of paper and draws. Gives the picture to Fernando.

Fernando

'Well, I know it's not a picture of your dick. It's too big.'

Fernando walks away.

David

'It would be dark if it was yours.'

Fernando

'Something for the ladies.'

David

'Writes those headlines down and I'll look up visuals. This is great.'

John writes them down and David walks back to the art room. At the corner, two people almost crash into each other. So close, John thinks as he grabs another pitch file.

The part of Jesus Christ will be played by Bernie Schwartz

Gray, tile floors, gray, marble walls, gray guard desk and beyond...steel gray elevador doors. Lexington at 43rd is making a statement. The statement is that the building's owner likes gray, John thinks as the guards tell him 'The Bernard Swartz Agency is on the '11th floor. ' He hadn't interviewed here. The frantic call had been that they needed a writer. Truth is the Bernie Swartz Agency always needed writers. It wasn't that they were growing fast. It's that writers..the rumor was...didn't last long there.

The elevadors opened onto a small seating area with a blue carpet, white walls, blue, orange and brown chairs. Mr Mets called, he wants his living room back, John thinks as he walks towards a woman behind a security window.

Blythe

Hi.

John

'I''m a writer...'

Blythe

'No. You're the writer...'

A buzzer behind two bark- textured doors rang.

Blythe

'writer du jour... entre.'

John yanks on the door, it doesn't open.

Blythe

'Yank when I buzz.'

Door buzzes and stops. John yanks. Door doesn't open.

Blythe

'Yank when I b-u-z-z.'

John's hand grips the door handle and leans back-ready to pull it out. The door buzzes, but doesn't open.

Blythe in a very sweet, sing-song voice.

'When...I b-u-z-z.'

John releases the door. It buzzes. John quickly grabs the handle and pulls with all his might. The door swings back hard against the security window with a bam.

Blythe

'And we're awake n-o-w.'

Blythe takes off down a long open space area with single tan desks in front of offices. John follows Finally on the right he sees a big open space area with artists work stations. Just as he rounds the corner, he sees Blythe has stopped in front of a desk..

Blythe

'You'll sit here.'

It is a tan desk in front of a windowed office. There is another desk facing his and a 5 foot plastic palm that needs dusting. What exit was fabulous John thought.  'Cause I think I passed it.

Blythe reaches over John & turns the PC on.

Blythe

'Read all of Bernie's emails. It alerts him that you've read it so he'll know if you didn't. Then, get started on these...all of these files are pitches.

John

'How long do I have to do a pitch?'

Blythe

'Oh, some writers don't get even one done in a day.

A distant phone rings.

Blythe

Oh, I have to run and get that phone honey.'

As Blythe runs back towards the security desk...

Blythe

'Of course...those writers are no longer here.'

John goes to Bernie's oldest emails.

Email from Bernie

'Well, gang, the Bernard Stein Agency continues to decline. They have lost another major piece of business. Let's be grateful that we continue to grow.

Email from Jerry-Tech Support

The systems will be slow today as we continue to solve bascially the same problem we've been experiencing.

Email from Bernie

'Jerry, you're slow. My office now!'

Email from Blythe

Jerry Garrison will no longer be with the agency. Please do not buzz him through-past the security desk. We wish him joy in his future endeavors.

Email from Bernie

We continue to upgrade the finest system in the industry.
Email from Bernie

I am well-aware that the fall weather is enticing us to go outside for lunch. And all of you should be aware that you have a lunch hour....not a lunch hour and 5 minutes, 10 minutes or more. Regards.

Email from Bernie

The Bernard Stein Agency has lost the Exxon account. The rumor, which I am starting here, is that his son drove up to the client meeting in an electric car. Anyway, further evidence of a formally great agency's decline.

Email from Vern

But Bernie, how can we laugh at the Bernard Stein Agency for losing Exxon...when we lost it to them?  LOL

Email from Bernie

Vern. My office. Now. I'm not LOL.

Email from Blythe

Veronica Armstrong will no longer be with the agency. Please do not buzz her through past the security desk. We wish her oy in her future endeavors. We will be celebrating Bernie's birthday with cake in the conference room Friday at 3. Attendance is mandatory.

Email from Bernie

Correction from previous email. from Blythe

We wish Veronica 'joy' not ''oy' in her future endeavors. Reminder, proof read your emails people - even when you are cutting and pasting!

I'm thinking not OMG, oh my God. OMB, oh my Bernie, John thinks as he reaches for the first folder: Hoffmann-La Roche. People begin to come in now and say hi or slap John on the back as he tries to concentrate and reads the brief. Rock music begins to blare from the ceiling and as Bernie Swartz walks by-without saying hello-Jesus Christ Superstar comes on like Bernie just took center stage.