Sunday, June 17, 2012

the nextwave home

John

You’d think I’d see him on one of those misty beach days. When the world has gone gray and a heavy sea mist rolls in…obscuring what is seen and unseen. But I actually have seen him on a ladder leaned against the house.…when there’s a chip of trim that needs sanding and painting. Or sitting and writing something in the wicker chair on our porch.  On the brightest beach day as a face in the crowd-walking towards me- on the boardwalk. Or watching me surf from the  happy, white sandy beach with a rainbow of beach umbrellas behind him.

I knew I’d see him on Father’s Day. So I went into the ocean beyond where the breaking waves turn into a lulling roll. Like some flickering, old camera, the waves make the beach appear and disappear as you lay on your surfboard, rise to their crest and sink to their troughs. Down my blue board goes into the trough-water spilling over my blue board and the blond hair on my arms. Up I go onto a crest and I see a beach full of families-missing one father.

Down I go into the trough-half asleep. Up I go and I see the beach-where is he? Down I go into the trough-lying in wait-salt drying on my upper arms. Up I go and there he is…at the end of the boardwalk. Down I go into the trough-he always watched me surf. Up I go and he’s resting his foot on the surfer’s bench-looking at me. Down I go and I want to catch a really good wave to show off. Up I go and he’s walking towards me…down the broad beach. …the only one in jeans and work boots in 90 degree weather. Down I go into the trough and the beach disappears again. Up I go onto the wave’s crest and the beach appears…but he is gone.

I want to catch the nextwave towards the shore…and home. But he will not be there.

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