Twilight Breaking Wind

Twilight Breaking wind

Patty can hear the gentle nudging of the waves against Pelican Island.  From her bedroom, she can see the light of the moon rising over Barnegat Bay.  John is in his brass bed with the curved front and iron rosettes-the ocean pounding across from Ocean Boulevard. His cell lights up-incoming message.

John’s phone

TEXT FROM PATTY

‘Can’t believe u hated Twilight Breaking Dawn.’

Patty’s phone

TEXT TO PATTY

‘Twilight Breaking Wind?  Jacob Hack…werewolf with no chest hair. Bella boring Swan…Edward Sullen, depressed, fangless vampire’

TEXT TO JOHN

‘He has fangs.’

TEXT TO PATTY

‘r his fangs  retractable…like a sears garage door opener?Retracting… Ying ying ying ying ying. Click. Retracted.  Bella…I would  die 4 u if I weren’t already dead.’

TEXT TO JOHN

‘Eternal love? Get it? Dream much?’

Patty falls to sleep.

TEXT TO PATTY

‘A boyfriend…undead…wearing cover girl make up- the goth line of beauty…preference hair color….cause he’s worth it….9.95 a box. But u can’t have everything. 8-p’

Patty hears a gentle knock at her door. It opens and Edward Sullen walks in. All of a sudden…werewolf Jacob Hack runs in front of him. His chest freshly waxed.

Patty

‘Boys…boys don’t fight over me…woops

The smooth chested, hairless werewolf slides across Patty’s bed…but with his waxing… keeps on sliding…out of Patty’s window…and off Pelican Island into Barnegat Bay.

Patty

‘Doggie paddle my dream werewolf….doggie paddle.’

Edward Sullen approaches Patty’s bed.

Edward

‘Bella Pelican’

Patty

‘You are my soul mate….if we can find u a soul. Nothing could be better than this.’

Edward

‘Oh yes it could.’

Edward sits on Patty’s bed. His fangs click down. Ying, ying, ying. He leans over and kisses Patty’s thigh. Wherever his lips touch…the fat is sucked out of her leg…leaving it toned and athletic.

Patty

‘Fang-o-suction…I have found eternal love.’

Breaking the mood…Edward breaks wind…

Patty bolts up in bed….awake. She guesses it was Edward who ruined the mood.