John is on the top of a ladder with his head in the attic. Aunt Margaret is standing on the ladder below him-ready to receive the next box of Christmas decorations.
John hands a box down to Aunt Margaret.
‘Balls.’
Aunt Margaret
‘John!’
John
‘What? You said to tell you what I’m handing you so you can hold the lid or whatever. And you wrote ‘balls’ 12/10 last year on the box.’
Aunt Margaret
‘I think you enjoy saying that word a little too much.’
John reaches into the attic to grab a box.
‘Jesus’
Aunt Margaret
‘…thou shalt not take the name of the Lord, thy God, in vain…’
John hands the box down to Aunt Margaret.
John
‘Shalt. I love broiled shalts with a little butter. I was reading the box again. Does Jesus light up?’
Aunt Margaret
‘He does not.’
John hands Aunt Margaret another box.
‘Santa. See he lights up. Jesus is the son of God…and he always looks thin…usually concerned…Santa is fat…having fun.’
Aunt Margaret
‘Santa was created to sell Coke Cola. Jesus devoted his life to easing people’s pain…and if you believe like we do, readying people for Heaven.’
John
‘Ah but who brought more people into celebrating Christmas?’
Aunt Margaret, taking another box from John
‘You know John. You should talk to Father more.’
John
‘Nope. Father told me not to come back to confession until I’ve mega sinned.’
Aunt Margaret
‘I’m sure he did not say that.’
John
‘Yes…until you’ve really sinned. Oh, no wait....not 'until.' He said I don’t need to come back to confession ‘unless’ I’ve really sinned. Wow.That was last year. Ya know, this year has really sucked.’
Aunt Margaret
‘I don’t like suck.’
John
‘Oh. I’ve got a weird text. Adjin is inviting me to a tree lighting ceremony.’
Aunt Margaret
‘What’s weird about a tree lighting ceremony at Christmas time?’
John
‘He’s Muslim….oh he sent me another text…Patty sent me one too.’
Text to John from Patty
‘Deck the Halls with bows of dead people.’
Aunt Margaret
‘What does Patty say?’
John
‘Christmas time stuff. Deck the halls with bows of dead people.’
Aunt Margaret
‘Honestly, I don’t understand your friends. Oh wait. I do. She loves that vampire movie.’
John’s forefinger points down from the attic at Aunt Margaret.
‘Wrong. Adjin is working at a funeral home. They’re holding a tree lighting ceremony. Patty’s trying to be clever. I have to top her… ‘
John reading his text back to Patty out loud
‘Oh come…all ye zombies.’
Aunt Margaret
‘Might be something to see.’
John
‘I’ll say….Adjin in a suit.’
‘If I die. I wanna go like a winter surfer…in a coffin in a wet suit..with fins.’
Aunt Margaret
‘Honestly John.’
John
‘Or if a great white has gotten me and I’m in pieces…in a bunch of Christmas ornament boxes. Y-o-u can lable them my Virgo Aunt. You know what one will hopefully say?’
Aunt Margaret
‘O.k. what?’
John hands Aunt Margaret a box.
‘balls.’
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