Shock and O'Shea

Shock and O’Shea

Patty, Adjin and John enter Klee’s bar in Seaside Heights, NJ. A 20-something woman with long red hair is behind the bar. The bar is decked out with shamrocks and leprechauns for the upcoming St. Patty’s Day. As they sit at the bar, the beautiful bartender comes over.

Bartender

‘Out for the Saturday night kids. Are we old enough to drink. Or are we here for pizza or Irish pub food?

John looks at the sign on the wall behind her that has a red circle with a slash over ‘Danny Boy’.

John

‘I came to sing Danny Boy.’

Bartender

‘Ah, that will get your feet…out on the street. Anyway. No matter. You’ll not be thinking that song is Irish. Written by a Brit it was. Doode never set foot in Ireland. But more to the point…it’s a depressing song and no one wants to here it…especially the owner. Who is Irish…or Irish/American. However you Americans call yourself.’

Patty

‘This is our first year we can drink on St. Patty’s Day. I’ll have a light beer.’

Bartender

‘That’s piss.’

John

‘Guinness here.’

Bartender

‘…real Irish to go with your green shirt.’

John

‘I am Irish.’

Bartender

‘You with the blond hair. You look like a American surfer.’

Adjin

‘He does surf. I’ll have any beer.’

Bartender pours some drafts.

John

‘I am Irish/American.’

John pulls at his hair.

‘Hello, Viking blood.’

Bartender puts glasses down in front of them. Pulls at her hair.

‘Heard of Erik the Red. Never heard of a Viking called Erik the Blond. What did the blond Viking get to Ire’lind and say: OMG dude…the wemen are soo haat here I’ll haav’em.’

To Patty

‘Is he romantic with all that Irish-Viking blood.’

Patty

‘Not at all.’

John

‘I appreciate my friends. I even painted a portrait of her. Hey Patty, I’ve been working on it.’

John calls up picture of painting on cell phone and shows it.

Adjin

‘I’m speechless.’

Bartender looks at photo...to Patty

‘Very romantic. He made your hips thin.’

John

“she’s on the ride..see her hair flying up.’

Patty to Bartender

‘I know…right. I gave him Titanic to view so he could see how to touch a woman’s heart.’

Bartender to Patty

‘Love that film….so romantic.’

Patty to John

‘Did you even view it yet?’

John

‘Yes I did. That huge boat flipping over and people clinging to tables and then falling onto windows and stuff.  Awesomeness.’

Bartender

‘It’s a romance dude.’

Adjin

‘Yeah, Jack gives up his life so Rose can live….and then she’s blows a whistle so she can be off with the first sailor she can find.’

Patty

‘That was funny Adjin.’

To John

‘Clearly the romance part escaped you.’

Adjin sings to John

‘My Heart will go on and on…’

John

‘My farts will go on and on.’

Bartender to Patty

‘ Dudes! You’ve known these two for long?’

Patty

‘Since elementary school.’

John

‘Now I wanna sing an Irish song.’

Bartender points at the no singing ‘Danny Boy’ sign.

‘Make it another Irish song.’

John

‘Won’t be when Irish eyes are smiling.

A Black guy dressed in a US Army uniform sits next to them.

Soldier

‘Why not.’

John

‘Cause when Irish eyes are smiling, all the world is light and Gay. And we don’t let Gays in the St. Patty’s parade.’

Soldier

‘I’ll have a Bud. What do you care. You Gay?’

Patty

‘He cares about how everyone is being treated….minorities…even Muslims.’

Adjin

‘Someone say Muslim. Sitting here. Hello.’

John puts two fingers up.

‘I had four Red Bulls and now I’m drinking my first beer in a bar.’

Bartender gives Soldier his beer. It spills a bit and she mops it up with a towel.

‘So you going to sing some Irish song to prove you are romantic to all the ladies in the bar.’

John

‘Yes’

Bartender

‘Then off you go.’

John kinda stands by his bar stool.

‘Sunday….Bloody Sunday. Sunday….Bloody Sunday.’

‘U2. Very Irish.’

Adjin to Soldier

‘Remember the Iraq War…Shock and Awe. That was Shock and O’Shea.’

Bartender to Patty

‘So you here to meet o-t-h-e-r  men?’

Patty

‘Yes.’

Bartender to John

‘So you’re wearing a green shirt to prove you’re Irish. You wearing green underwear too.’

John

‘That’s for me to know and you to find out.’

Adjin

‘Dude. What are we 12?’

Patty

‘When we are together…yes.’

Bartender to John

‘I just might take you up on that. You look like the kind of boy I could tie up and do whatever I want to.’

Bartender runs to wait on another customer.

A ‘whooa’ is yelled from Patty, Adjin and the Soldier.

John looks at the Bartender’s long red hair shimmering in the bar’s light.

‘She’s got Viking blood…that’s for sure.’

Shock and O’Shea

Patty, Adjin and John enter Klee’s bar in Seaside Heights, NJ. A 20-something woman with long red hair is behind the bar. The bar is decked out with shamrocks and leprechauns for the upcoming St. Patty’s Day. As they sit at the bar, the beautiful bartender comes over.

Bartender

‘Out for the Saturday night kids. Are we old enough to drink. Or are we here for pizza or Irish pub food?

John looks at the sign on the wall behind her that has a red circle with a slash over ‘Danny Boy’.

John

‘I came to sing Danny Boy.’

Bartender

‘Ah, that will get your feet…out on the street. Anyway. No matter. You’ll not be thinking that song is Irish. Written by a Brit it was. Doode never set foot in Ireland. But more to the point…it’s a depressing song and no one wants to here it…especially the owner. Who is Irish…or Irish/American. However you Americans call yourself.’

Patty

‘This is our first year we can drink on St. Patty’s Day. I’ll have a light beer.’

Bartender

‘That’s piss.’

John

‘Guinness here.’

Bartender

‘…real Irish to go with your green shirt.’

John

‘I am Irish.’

Bartender

‘You with the blond hair. You look like a American surfer.’

Adjin

‘He does surf. I’ll have any beer.’

Bartender pours some drafts.

John

‘I am Irish/American.’

John pulls at his hair.

‘Hello, Viking blood.’

Bartender puts glasses down in front of them. Pulls at her hair.

‘Heard of Erik the Red. Never heard of a Viking called Erik the Blond. What did the blond Viking get to Ire’lind and say: OMG dude…the wemen are soo haat here I’ll haav’em.’

To Patty

‘Is he romantic with all that Irish-Viking blood.’

Patty

‘Not at all.’

John

‘IIIII appreciate my friends. I even painted a portrait of her. Hey Patty, I’ve been working on it.’

John calls up picture of painting on cell phone and shows it.

Adjin

‘I’m speechless.’

Bartender to Patty

‘Very romantic. He made your hips thin.’

John

“she’s on the ride..see her hair flying up.’

Patty to Bartender

‘I know…right. I gave him Titanic to view so he could see how to touch a woman’s heart.’

Bartender to Patty

‘Love that film….so romantic.’

Patty to John

‘Did you even view it yet?’

John

‘Yes I did. That huge boat flipping over and people clinging to tables and then falling onto windows and stuff.  Awesomeness.’

Bartender

‘It’s a romance dude.’

Adjin

‘Yeah, Jack gives up his life so Rose can live….and then she’s blows a whistle so she can be off with the first sailor she can find.’

Patty

‘That was funny Adjin.’

To John

‘Clearly the romance part escaped you.’

Adjin sings to John

‘My Heart will go on and on…’

John

‘My farts will go on and on.’

Bartender to Patty

‘ Dudes! You’ve known these two for long?’

Patty

‘Since elementary school.’

John

‘Now I wanna sing an Irish song.’

Bartender points at the no singing ‘Danny Boy’ sign.

‘Make it another Irish song.’

John

‘Won’t be when Irish eyes are smiling.

A guy dressed in a US Army uniform sits next to them.

Soldier

‘Why not.’

John

‘Cause when Irish eyes are smiling, all the world is light and Gay. And we don’t let Gays in the St. Patty’s parade.’

Soldier

‘I’ll have a Bud. What do you care. You Gay?’

Patty

‘He cares about how everyone is being treated….minorities…even Muslims.’

Adjin

‘Hello.’

John puts two fingers up.

‘I had four Red Bulls and now I’m drinking my first beer in a bar.’

Bartender gives Soldier his beer. It spills a bit and she mops it up with a towel.

‘So you going to sing some Irish song to prove you are romantic to all the ladies in the bar.’

John

‘Yes’

Bartender

‘Then off you go.’

John kinda stands by his bar stool.

‘Sunday….Bloody Sunday. Sunday….Bloody Sunday.’

‘U2. Very Irish.’

Adjin to Soldier

‘Remember the Iraq War…Shock and Awe. That was Shock and O’Shea.’

Bartender to Patty

‘So you here to meet o-t-h-e-r  men?’

Patty

‘Yes.’

Bartender to John

‘So you’re wearing a green shirt to prove you’re Irish. You wearing green underwear too.’

John

‘That’s for me to know and you to find out.’

Adjin

‘Dude. What are we 12?’

Patty

‘When we are together…yes.’

Bartender to John

‘I just might take you up on that. You look like the kind of boy I could tie up and do whatever I want to.’

Bartender runs to wait on another customer.

A ‘whooa’ is yelled from Patty, Adjin and the Soldier.

John looks at the Bartender’s long red hair shimmering in the bar’s light.

‘She’s got Viking blood…that’s for sure.’