Silence of the lamb chops

John

And so it begins. Not with a stormy night-lightening reaching like dead fingers into a shadowy hallway- the creak of the stair…just behind you. But rather, it begins as the sound of a cast iron skillet hitting the stove.

Patty

What the heck are you talking about?

John

My Aunt is going to cook dinner. The horror.

Patty

You called me for that? Like I have time…

John

Had time. I’m taking your time Clairese…and so your life. Cell phone call by cell phone call.

Patty

Eat me

John

Never say that to cannibal Hannibal Lector.

Patty

I’ll bite. What’s she making. Get it? I’ll  bite.

John

Yeah good one. I’m rolling my eyes. Anyway. Well she’s an animal lover. So she buys free range lamb chops. We want the sheep to live free…dance free across the range….until they are skinned and their legs are chopped off for worldwide consumption.

Patty

She gonna serve it with that lime stuff?

John

Yes Nordic Queen. You serve lamp with lime. Whatever you do don’t serve it with mint. That would be ignorant.

Patty

Haaaaaaaaa. K…I don’t know your food. You move to Norway. I’ll call you Johan or something in the summer as you sheperd your sheep. And you’ll be called the village idiot in the winter when you and your herd are found frozen among the reindeer in the winter.

John

Listen. She’s gonna torture them. They are sizzling. She’s pressing down on them with the spatula. The lamb chops are sizzling. But soon, we’ll have the silence of the lamb chops. That’s when there’s no juice left…and we’ll basically have dried meat. Lamb jerky.

Pat

Healthy haaaa

John

I’m gonna cut the meat up into strips. I’ll be able to put the dried meat in my shirt pocket. You know as a snack…or when we go to club Karma. Something for the ladies.

Pat

The jerk with jerky. And I’ll be his friend. Finally, I’ll have street cred.

John

Whoops. Gotta go. Aunt just said the lamb chops are ready. Pray for me.

Pat

There is no God.

John

That’s what the lamb chops said…just before they went silent.

Doesn't Look American?

                                                       Doesn’t look American?

Adjin’s shines black on the surfboard as a full, harvest moon rises over the Atlantic. The Columbus Day festival is winding down but there are still plenty of lights shining from the pier. Speaking of which…he is surfing waaay too close to the pier John thinks as he kicks the stand in frustration.

John waves his hand to move left

‘Jerrrrrrrk.’

Older Man walks up to John. They are the only two on the beach.

‘You know that guy?’

John waves at Adjin to move left, away from the pier.

‘Jerk. Move left idiot.  Yeah, he’s my friend.’

Older Man

‘Oh. I don’t know if it’s because I was on the All American float today. But I’ve been thinking about being an American. You know who we are…’

John

‘That’s good. It was a fun parade. I liked when the Catholic Bible float went by and they were trying to be cool by playing our music. And Niki Minage came on and sang: Yes I did. Yes I did. Somebody tell him who the F I is. And Father Thomas jumped onto float, ran up the mountain and almost knocked Moses off to turn off the song.’

Older Man

‘Sound funny. Didn’t see that. I saw you two on the beach and was wondering if anything weird was going on.’

John

‘So you wanted to see weirdness up close?’

Older Man

‘No. I mean.  Now that I’m up close to you…I can see you are an American but…you gotta admit your friend on the surfboard…well he could be Al Qaeda.’

John

‘Why would Al Qaeda be down the Jersey Shore?’

Older Man

‘Oh don’t kid yourself son. There’s lot’s of symbols of America…including the parade.’

John

‘That’s more of an Italian American thing. Seaside Heights is so Italian. Although judging from our bars with all the tiki’s…you might think the Italians discovered us by way of Hawaii. Maybe they were Italian Hawaiians?’

Older Man

‘You laugh but we have to protect America.’

John

‘What symbols of America are down here? The Funtown Pier?...oh wait you could be right. Instead of going to Washington DC and attacking the White House, Al Qaeda could attack the Jersey Shore House. And if Snookie and J-Wow aren’t safe…nobody is.’

Older Man

‘Laugh, but you gotta admit. Even though he’s doing a very American thing…that surfing…he doesn’t look American.’

John

‘He was born here.’

Older Man

‘What do you mean by here?’

John irritated

‘Here, on this crazy barrier island. Go to far west…you hit  Barnegat Bay…too far east…hit the Atlantic.’

Older Man

‘yeah, but Al Qaeda plants people for missions for years in the future. I’ll bet his father wasn’t born here.’

John

‘You’re right.’

Older Man

‘Ya see.’

John

‘He was born in Brooklyn and moved here.’

Older Man

‘And his mother…’

John

‘Trinidad. That’s where they first left Pakistan for…before they came to America. That was a long time ago…before Adjin or I were born…maybe not before you were born.’

Older Man

‘Ah ha. See, the immigrants always lead back to Pakistan.’

John

‘Really immigrants always lead back to Pakistan…I’ll have to tell my Aunt that. Her mother’s name was O’Shea. Never knew we were Pakistani way back. And we’re Muslims like my friend Adjin. Who knew.’

Older Man

‘You’re not taking me seriously.’

John

‘Oh yes I am. I heard everything you said. Everything.’

‘J-e-r-k!’

John looks at Older Man

‘Oh, I was talking to my friend,…not you.’