The undocumented lesbian goes hollywood (stand up routine)

                     Undocumented lesbian

So I just came back from LA. Why la? To get discovered of course. Obviously I have a beach body. Not the kind you find posed on a beach blanket. The kind you find on one of those crime shows.,..bloated, dead, washing up on the beach. Producers, think of what you'd save on make up. I already look dead and bloated. It's a gift.

So I was working hard trying to get discovered...hanging by a hotel pool. Saw the same family for several days. So I asked are you on vacation too. They said no. We are local. We come to the pool like you go to interests in NYC,you know, museums...I thought, yeah thought provoking Museum of Modern Art...lying by a pool. But they were friendly. They introduced themselves. Pointed out their grown daughter. And that's our daughter sunning over there.... Bel air. I said, should have named her Bayonne. Shed be at work. That city knows how to work. Gotta be careful what you name your kid. No parent will be opening their grown child's bedroom door saying: Arthur Kill Swartz...you are going to be late for work. That's the name of a working channel. Arthur kill swartz will be at work. Right Bayonne.  

I didn't get discovered. But I did get a break from this dreary election process. I was looking at the candidates...and my first thought is I don't find any of these guys attractive. And my second thought is, well of course you don't find the guys attractive....you're a lesbian. And Hillary. Kinda like an old wsr movie...a pants suit too f ar.. Think that's what it was called.

And such crazy talk. Fears of underwear bombs. Let me tell you ISIS. If you meet a woman one of the first things they want to know is what do you do. Telling them you put bombs in your underwear.....well we really want to meet someone but when a dude says he puts bombs in his underwear...that's just not attractive. And then our candidates are talking about banning all Muslims and Ted Cruz being a playa having multiple affairs...if America keeps talking crazy...we won't have to build a wall to keep people out. The world will build a wall around America to keep us in.
I am the undocumented lesbian. Any government ladies want to access my restricted areas....call me.

short horror film script: Photo Finish

`Short Film Script

John J Pender

Time: 5 minute

Title:   Photo Finish

1a

CAMERA CLOSE UP OF SMART PHONE. GUY’S FINGERS ARE SCROLLING THROUGH PICTURES. ONE PICTURE  IS OF HIM CARRYING CANNED GOODS ON A CARTON BOTTOM. ANOTHER ONE IS HIM CARRYING PRODUCE.

SFX: PHONE RINGS

                                                                  GUY

‘Hey, I just got the pictures you sent from the homeless shelter. Tell me you’re not going to use one for a poster to get volunteers. You’re not? Well why not? Yeah, I do look happy. I like helping people.’

CAMERA SHOT PANNING EMPTY BEACH PARKING LOT. LOTS OF REEDS BLOWING IN THE BREEZE.

                                                                 GUY

‘I’m spending the morning on the beach. Sandy Hook. Then I’m going to go move some stuff for my grandmother. I actually want to just lay on a beach blanket all day. Oh and  I’m going to check out this little digital camera I got at that estate sale I was telling you about. It is weird…using dead people’s stuff. No the owner…he died young. Don’t know much. He surfed. And he was pissed off a lot. Nobody touches his things…talks to his woman…all that stuff.  Got in a lot of fights.

CAMERA SHOT OF SIDE VIEW MIRROR. QUICK FLASH OF LIGHT. GUY LOOKS AT SIDE VIEW MIRROR.

                                                                GUY

‘ OK. Yeah I’ll see you Saturday at the shelter. I’ll be serving some slop. Ok. Later.’

CAMERA SHOWS GUY PUT DOWN PHONE NEXT TO DIGIAL CAMERA ON THE CAR SEAT.

CUT TO: GUY LOOKING AT HIS SIDE VIEW MIRROR.

                                                               GUY

                                          ‘Hmmm. Nothing there. ‘

1

CAMERA PANNING TO SHOW AN EMPTY BEACH AND DUNES. FADE TO A BEACH BLANKET BEING PUT DOWN, BACK PACK, CELL PHONE AND CAMERA. 

CAMERA SHOT: GUY LAYS DOWN ON BLANKET

SFX: WAVES CRASHING. SEA GULLS.

CAMERA SHOT: GUY SITS UP.

CAMERA PANNING TO SHOW EMPTY BEACH.

GUY PICKS UP CAMERA AND TAKES A PICTURE OF THE BEACH AND OCEAN. IT IS EMPTY

GUY LAYS BACK DOWN. GUY REACHES AROUND, PICKS UP CAMERA, HOLDS IT UP TO LOOK AT VIEW FINDER.  IT SHOWS A BLACK FIGURE, FAR AWAY IN THE SURF.

                                                                       GUY

                                        ‘That’s weird. I didn’t see him.’

CAMERA SHOT: GUY SITS UP.

CAMERA LONG SHOT OF AN EMPTY BEACH. QUICKLY, PANNING TO THE DUNES BEHIND THE GUY.

GUY TAKES SAME SHOT, ANOTHER PICTURE OF THE BEACH AND WAVES.  HE LOOKS DOWN THE BEACH. CAMERA SHOWS AN EMPTY BEACH.

CUT TO: CLOSE UP OF CAMERA VIEW FINDER. PICTURE SHOWS DARK FIGURE COMING OUT OF THE SURF, WAY DOWN THE BEACH. FINGERS OF GUY’ S FINGERS SCROLLING BACK TO SHOW FIRST PICTURE WITH FIGURE IN THE SURF AND NEXT PICTURE WITH FIGURE COMING OUT OF THE SURF.

CUT TO : CAMERA LONG SHOT OF THE BEACH IT IS EMPTY.

CUT TO: CLOSE UP OF GUY’S FINGERS SCROLLING BETWEEN THE FIRST PICTURE OF THE FIGURE IN THE SURF AND THE NEXT PHOTO OF IT COMING OUT OF THE SURF.

CUT TO: CLOSE UP OF FIRST PICTURE’S DATE, IT’S CURRENT, SCROLL TO SECOND PICTURE’S DATE, IT’S CURRENT.

2

CUT TO: GUY TAKES ANOTHER PICTURE TOWARDS THE FAR END OF THE BEACH AGAIN.

CUT TO: CAMERA VIEW FINDER, THERE IS A PICTURE WITH THE DARK FIGURE  WALKING TOWARDS GUY’S END OF THE BEACH.

CUT TO: GUY’S FINGERS SCROLLING TO FIRST PICTURE OF FIGURE IN THE SURF, SECOND PICTURE OF FIGURE COMING OUT OF THE SURF AND THIRD PICTURE OF FIGURE WALKING TOWARDS GUY’S END OF THE BEACH.

CUT TO: LONG SHOT OF THE BEACH. IT IS EMPTY

CUT TO: GUY PICKS UP HIS CELL PHONE

                                                                            GUY

‘Hey it’s me.  I know, you know…you have Caller ID. Listen. I’m on the beach and I’m…remember I told you I went to that estate sale…some surfer guy died…anyway…I bought his camera.  Wait, who cares what I paid for it…just listen. So I’m on this empty beach…yes because everyone else is working like you…listen.

SFX: REEDS ON DUNES BRUSHING AGAINST EACH OTHER

CUT TO: QUICK CAMERA SHOT OF DUNES, THEN  QUICK CAMERA LONG SHOT OF BEACH WHERE GUY SAW THE DARK FIGURE….BEACH IS EMPTY.

                                                                             GUY

‘Yeah I’m jumpy…I thought I heard something in the dunes. Anyway, so the beach is completely empty but when I take a picture of the beach there’s this dark figure on it. Yes it’s dark. Cause if it has blond hair it could be Donald Trump and that’s scary…funny. I’m serious. What are you talking about zombies…this isn’t a movie. This is happening to me on the beach. The first shot shows the figure in the surf, the second it’s coming out of the surf and in the third picture he is walking towards my end of the beach. No the dates on the picture are today. Right… I thought that too. Maybe the pictures were already on the camera. OK hold on I’ll take another one.

CAMERA SHOT OF GUY TAKING A PICTURE OF THE EMPTY BEACH AND SURF.

CUT TO: CAMERA VIEW FINDER. PICTURE OF THE DARK FIGURE WHO IS CLOSER, AND HIS HEAD IS TURNED TOWARDS THE GUY AS IF HE’S SPOTTED THE GUY.

                                                                          GUY

‘He’s seen me. Yes the guy who isn’t there. No I’m serious.  He’s on my end of the beach, and he’s looking towards me in the photo.

3

CUT TO: CAMERA SHOT OF  EMPTY BEACH

                                                                 GUY

                                        ‘No. The beach is still empty.’

CUT TO: CAMERA SHOT OF CAMERA VIEWFINDER. GUY’S FINGERS SCROLL FROM FIRST PICTURE OF FIGURE IN THE SURF, NEXT COMING OUT OF THE SURF, NEXT WALKING TOWARDS GUY’S END OF THE BEACH, AND NEXT PHOTO ON GUY’S END OF BEACH WITH THE FIGURE LOOKING TOWARD’S GUY.

                                                             GUY

                  ‘That’s a good idea. OK. Hold up I’ll take a picture of the beach with my phone.’

CAMERA SHOT OF GUY TAKING A PICTURE WITH HIS PHONE.

CUT TO: CLOSE UP SHOT OF THE CELL PHONE. PICTURE APPEARS. PHOTO OF AN EMPTY BEACH.

                                                            GUY 

‘OK. When I take a picture with my cell phone…it’s the empty beach. He’s not there. What do you mean exactly? OK right. He’s not there. That’s the point. No I don’t feel guilty for buying some dead guy’s camera. He’s dead. He’s not going to miss it. Besides the pictures aren’t in my mind. They are on the camera. Listen. The pictures are on the camera.

CUT TO: GUY LOOKING AT CELL PHONE PHOTO OF AN EMPTY BEACH.

CUT TO: GUY’S FINGERS SCROLLING ON CAMERA. FIRST PICTURE, DARK FIGURE IN THE SURF, NEXT PICTURE FIGURE COMING OUT OF THE SURF, NEXT PICTURE FIGURE WALKING TOWARDS GUY’S END OF THE BEACH AND PICTURE OF FIGURE LOOKING TOWARDS GUY.

                                                              GUY

‘I’m gonna take one more picture. Stay on the phone…

CUT TO: GUY TAKING PICTURE OF THE EMPTY BEACH.

CUT TO: CAMERA SHOT OF EMPTY BEACH WHERE GUY WAS TAKING THE PICTURE.

CUT TO: CAMERA VIEW FINDER. GUY’S FIGURE SCROLLING PICTURES. FIRST PICTURE OF FIGURE IN THE SURF, FIGURE COMING OUT OF THE SURF, FIGURE WALKING TOWARDS GUY’S END OF BEACH, FIGURE LOOKING AT GUY, LAST PICTURE OF FIGURE, WITH A PIECE OF DRIFTWOOD IN HIS HAND, WALKING ANGRILY TOWARDS GUY .

                                                           

4

CAMERA SHOT OF GUY ON CELL PHONE.

                                                                    GUY

‘Bobbie he’s coming towards me. I don’t know he looks so angry. No not on the beach. In the last picture. And he’s carrying something…like a club…driftwood, something.

CUT TO: QUICK CAMERA SHOT OF DUNES AND THEN PANNING TO EMPTY BEACH.

                                                                      GUY

‘I’m not...I mean I won’t. I’m not taking any more pictures. In fact…I’m getting out of here. This is creeping me out. OK good idea…stay on the cell while I walk to my car.’

CUT TO: CAMERA FACING UP AT GUY ON BEACH BLANKET.

SFX: CAMERA CLICKS AS IF TAKING A PICTURE.

CUT TO: CELL PHONE DROPPING TO THE BEACH BLANKET. IT HAS BLOOD ON IT.

                                                           CREDITS ROLL

The Undocumented Lesbian

PAGE 1

SHORT FILM SCRIPTt:

TITLE: The Undocumented Lesbian

By John J. Pender Jr.

CAMERA SHOT: TOP OF SOMBRERO. IT STRAIGHTENS AND WE LOOK INTO THE FACE OF A WOMAN.

                                                                            LESBIAN

                                                      ‘Another stinking border town.’ 

CAMERA SHOT: LESBIAN POINTS UP.

CUT TO:

OUTDOORS: CAMERA SHOT: SIGN: Welcome to Sayreville.

CUT TO:

CAMERA SHOT: CLOSE UP OF LESBIAN’S FACE

                                                                          LESBIAN

‘You don’t see us…. But we are everywhere. On the border…working in your house of worship.’

CUT TO:

CAMERA SHOT: SIGN:  GENTLEMAN’S CLUB, Naked Women Dancers.

                                                                         LESBIAN

                                                ‘Making our way across the river’

CUT TO:

CAMERA SHOT: Sign: Raritan River

CUT TO:

CAMERA SHOT: LESBIAN’S FACE.

                                                                     

PAGE 2

                                                                      LESBIAN

                                        ‘And respected, with offices in your corporations.’

CUT TO:

CAMERA SHOT: LESBIAN, WORKING AT A DESK IN A PARKING GARAGE. CAR PULLS UP TO PARK WITH MUSIC BLARING.  

CUT TO:

CAMERA SHOT: LESBIAN AT HER DESK. WAVING AWAY CAR EXHAUST.                                                                    

                                                                 LESBIAN

                                                    ‘Hey! I’m working here!’

CAMERA SHOT: CLOSE UP LESBIAN’S FACE

                                                                   

                                                                  LESBIAN

‘And why wouldn’t we be corporate? We know how to fit in…like how to dress for Casual Friday.’

CUT TO:

CAMERA SHOT: ELEVADOR, PEOPLE IN CORPORATE CASUAL WEAR.

SFX: OFF CAMERA: ‘Hold it?’

CAMERA SHOT: LESBIAN ENTERS ELEVADOR. SHE IS DRESSED IN A CONSTRUCTION HAT JEANS AND WORK BOOTS. NOTICES A WOMAN STARING AT HER.

LESBIANTIPS HER HAT.

                                                                    LESBIAN

                               ‘I know. Cute huh?  Hat works on the beach too. ‘

SFX: TAPS METAL CONSTRUCTION HAT

                                                                   LESBIAN

                                ‘windy day at the beach…this hat ain’t flying nowhere….’

CUT TO:

PAGE 3

CAMERA SHOT:  ELEVATOR OF BIZ CASUAL-DRESSED PEOPLE STARRING AT HER

CUT TO CLOSE UP:

LESBIAN TO SKINNY MAN

                                                                LESBIAN

              ‘Try wearing a wide-brimmed, floppy, girly-hat on Fire Island on a windy day…right honey? ‘

CUT TO:

CAMERA SHOT: SKINNY MAN TRIES TO STAND MORE MANLY

CUT TO:

CAMERA SHOT: CLOSE-UP OF LESBIAN

                                                             LESBIAN

                                          ‘ We are brilliant citizens…just like you.’

CUT TO:

CAMERA SHOT: OUTDOORS. MAN, HEAD DOWN, TEXTING AND WALKING INTO A POLE.

                                                           LESBIAN

                  ‘America. Think. How lost you would be without us.’

CUT TO:

OUTDOORS: CAMERA SHOT:  HOME DEPO SIGN

INT.: CAMERA SHOT: MAN IN HOME DEPO TOOL DEPARTMENT.

CUT TO:

CAMERA SHOT OF EMPTY AISLE

CUT TO:

CAMERA CLOSE UP OF MAN

                                                         

                                                         

PAGE 4                                                        

                                                                  MAN

      ‘Hello? Anybody here? I need a phillips head… I’m fun. Please wait on me.’              

                                                      LESBIAN

                                       ‘We are business people.’

INTERIOR: Lesbian bringing work boots to a woman in a shoe store.

                                                     LESBIAN

‘Sexy or what….and they have a steel toe.’

INT.: CAMERA SHOT: LESBIAN’S FACE

                                                      LESBIAN

                             ‘And we need a road to citizenship.’

                                                     LESBIAN

                     ‘Hell… we can build our own road to citizenship.’

OUTDOORS: CAMERA SHOT: WOMAN WORKING ON THE ROAD CREW

CUT TO:

CAMERA SHOT OF LESBIAN FACE

                                                     LESBIAN

             ‘All we need is tolerance. America…can you do it?’

INT.: CAMERA SHOT: MAN’S FACE

                                                       MAN

                                     ‘Tolerance. I can do it!’

PAGE 5   

INT. CAMERA CLOSE UP OF WOMAN’S FACE

                                            WOMAN

                                      ‘Tolerance. I can do it!

INT. : CAMERA SHOT: GROUP OF PEOPLE

                                       GROUP OF PEOPLE

                                 ‘Tolerance. We can do it!’

CAMERA SHOT: CLOSE UP OF LESBIAN’S FACE

                                                      LESBIAN

                      ‘Tolerance. America. I know you can do it.’ 

LESBIAN LOOKS OFF CAMERA

                                                  LESBIAN

                                             ‘Let’s go honey.’

CAMERA SHOT: LESBIAN KISSES A BLACK WOMAN

CUT TO:

CAMERA SHOT:

INTER RACIAL LESBIAN COUPLE WALK OFF HOLDING HANDS.

CUT TO:

INT.: CAMERA SHOT: CLOSE UP OF WHITE WOMAN

                                       

PAGE 6                                          

                                       WHITE WOMAN

             ‘A White and a Black woman together? Oh hell no!’

CAMERA SHOT: CREDITS

there's a fine eyeliner between the lies and the truth

The Irish lace curtains, flow in on the sea breeze. John is curled up in a chair, watching them catch the sunlight….highlighting the lace work.  Aunt Margaret rushes into the room.

                                                                   Aunt Margaret

                                       Nothing is made like it used to be. It’s all junk.

                                                                John sitting up

Did something fall off the house…a gutter or shingle or something?

                                                                Aunt Margaret

No. I’m talking about my make up. I’ve been buying this same make up for 25 years. And it used to make my skin look great.

                                                               John thinking

Choice 1  Could say: You buried the lead…25 years ago.

Choice 2 Just shut up, shut up shut up. Can’t... she’s waiting for a response.

                                                                    John

                                    Your skin looks good without make up

                                                           John thinking

…especially for someone who lives at the beach.   Shut up shut up shut up

                                                          Aunt Margaret

That was soo nice John. Want me to make you something for lunch?

                                                           John thinks

                                                           

                                    Remembers how Aunt Margaret cooks. Everything blackened. Oh God no.

                                                                John

                                                         

                                                         No I’m good.

Aunt Margaret leaves the room. The Irish lace curtains look like angel wings, flowing in the breeze. Arch Angel Michael you can slap me silly for lying…but I’m liking myself right now.

So, what do you think?

John lifts up his painting

                                                                                   John

                                                                 So what do you think?

                                                                                Adjin

Why would you paint a picture of the ocean when you can just take a picture with your cell?

John starts writing something down.

                                                                              Adjin

                                       Good one right? What are your writing down?

                                                                             John

                                 I’m writing down the dumbest things ever said to me.

                                                                           Patty

                                          Well, you got the color of the water wrong.

                                                                            Adjin

And you’ve got the color of your hair wrong. You have blond hair….not black.  Don’t you write that down.

                                                                          John

                                                         Who says that’s me?

                                                                          Adjin

It’s always you. You kinda think of you a lot.   I like the painting.

John to Patty.

                                                                     John

                                     Patty, how is the nursing school going?

                                                                   

                                                                  Patty

                                                                 Good.

John to Adjin.

                                                                  John

                             See, you are wrong. I do think of others.

                                                                Adjin

                                           Yeah, for like two minutes.

John turns the painting to Adjin again.

                                                             John

                                      Right. So what do you think

                                                           Adjin

                         I’d put a shark in it. Big one.  Hey, don’t you write that down. I’m serious. 

Once upon God

John hears the angry ocean long before he sees it. The dark sky reveals few stars in the salty mist and the sand dunes hug the boardwalk as if they are trying to leave the beach. As far as John can see…there is no one on the boardwalk. He walks north and the outlines of summer fairy tales seem gray and abandoned. Even the orange and sea foam green sherbert colors of the beachcomber bar seem hopeless. The Beachcomber’s little green lighthouse, on the bar’s ocean view, upper deck, guides no one tonight. As he walks further, Spicey Cantina’s fiesta is deathly silent. He walks over to the edge of the boardwalk and views a broad, empty beach . A shroud leading up to the unnerving, unknown, pounding sea. Dressed for a funeral, the ocean is all in black with outlines of foamy white.

The bench he sits on was donated in loving memory of someone who had been there in a time when people believed in something more than the best Black Friday Sale. Is that a footfall, creaking the boards-he glances fast in either direction. There is no one but a rolling, ghost of the mist crossing the boardwalk. Feeling chilled and jumpy, John moves on.  After all, there are no Life Guards on that beach. If you go towards the darkness of that ocean…you are on your own. Walking further north, he sees the fairy tale castle outlines of the casino pier. 

Random thoughts: The History Channel makes it seem like religion is fairy tales. But in a world of ‘it’s all good’…why is there so much bad? Where the Ten Commandments are seen as  telling us who we should be... when we should be finding ourselves…If everyone is free to find themselves with no guidelines...why are so many feeling lost?

He walks off the boardwalk and past a dry water park that stretches for a block. Childless, the colorful slides do not scream with excitement…but howl in the wind. Turning down the boulevard he walks past the dark bars with the pink palms where people go to find a summer romance or maybe the one-and into an area with small beach homes.  No families gather to catch this ocean breeze. Up the block, no mass is in session at the church. Not that people don’t attend church-they do…he does. It’s just that the outside church the world doesn’t seem to have God in it sometimes. On Twitter...Dave Sterrett made me think with a link to the movie 180.. There’s always pressure to be cool with people-to share whatever they are into from partying…which often involves drugs- to seemingly supportive values… rumored mistakes which then lead to discussions of a woman’s right to choose and not mention what we know a fetus is. We know but aren’t supposed to say. And sometimes…like tonight…there seems to be no light in the world…no guidance. Yet we keep moving forward.

The wild oats and tall, dry wildflowers on dunes rustle in the warmer breeze off Silver Bay. John sits on a bench and looks out over the little waves which seem to be dancing. Out of the empty void of the sky…the silver-white moon peaks out. Clouds, outline in sterling, scamper. Sea grasses sparkle and wave in sea foam greens.  The bay is alive. The stars wink. Across the bay- twinkling lights of family homes and docks welcome.

On earth there is hope and life…but it comes from the heavens. John decides being cool with people isn’t as important as being cool with God.  John turns to walk home to his Aunt’s house…He remembers she is going to actually try to cook us something. God help us. John laughs.  

Of fears and being fearless against ISIS: the death cult perverts.

The mist whirls across the empty boardwalk. Adjin, Patty and John walk past the palm trees and empty picnic tables. The sea oats wave in the breeze looking almost like a skeleton’s hand. The final bar will mark the end of a gathering place. Ahead, it’s tall dunes that anyone or anything could hide behind.

                                                                        Patty

Hey what about Canada…killing the soldier and getting into Parliament. In Canada!

                                                                       John

Big brave ISIS. Shot the unarmed soldier in the back. Adjin what did your dad say? They are perverts….perverting the true nature of Islam.

                                                                     Adjin

Did he? Sounds about right.  I see them as a weird death cult…killing people to get God’s favor.

John jumps as a red fox runs between the dark dunes.

                                                                    Patty

You aren’t afraid of the ISIS nuts…beheading people but you are afraid of a red fox?

                                                                  John

I think I’ve been watching too much scary TV. Stalker on Wednesdays…downloading American Horror…for Thursday’s.  Discovery ID …murder all the time. But the town does get creepy when there’s no one around. 

John looks behind him and sees the bar light fading…like a light house in the midst….as if to say…you are on your own.

                                                                  Patty

I was walking on the boulevard in broad daylight. And I saw this tall guy with dirty long hair walking towards me. And I thought, I’m not crossing the street. He’s the creep. Let him cross. But as we passed each other…he stared at me…in the eyes and then looked me up and down. He was really dirty. I’ll be someone rented their beach house to him cheap. That’s something to be afraid of down here in the winter.

The sound of creaking shot between the dunes or was it from across ocean boulevard?

                                             Patty looks at John and smiles.

                                             Wanna check out what that is?

                                                          John

What if someone is over there making it creak…so we come over and check it out?

                                                         Patty

That’s it. We have to check it out…just so you can face your fears.

                                                        John

                                     Curiosity killed the cat.

                                                       Adjin

                                                      Meow       

Sandy and John cross the street towards the darkened house where the creaking noise is coming from. The house has a raised front porch, with pillars holding up the house. It creates a pitch black area under the raised porch.

                                                    John

                     You’re right Patty. It’s nothing. This is close enough.

Patty looks behind her at John and continues towards the creaking. It’s coming from the darkness, under the porch.  Something is moving under there. Or someone…. Patty rushes under the porch. She screams. John screams and runs in after her.  A man’s voice screams from under the porch. Adjin comes in from the other side of the step and says:

                                                         Adjin

                                                      Boooo

A man from under the porch

                                                       Man

                                   There is no money here.

Patty, John and Adjin move from under the porch. An Indian man follows them. He is carrying a wrench.

                                                          Patty

We’re so sorry. Do you live here?

                                                             Indian Man

                             Yes.  I was lighting up the house for Diwali The fuse box is rusty from the salt air.

                                                           John

                                            Sorry we scared you. I live up the street.

                                                  Indian Man

                                   Nice to meet you…boo to you son.

They walk away. John says to Adjin.

                                                     John

Boo? Really Adjin?  Do you think this is the time for Muslim guys to be jumping out and saying Boo?

                                                      Adjin

                           Yes.  And screw ISIS. I say both.